Nothing new today, just another day really.
I had a good conversation with a new friend, she shared with me about her and her family trying to adopt a little girl, had her in their home for 2 days and had to give her back to the birth mom.
How she would not wish that on her worst enemy.
I know this happens, but I also know it hurts, rely on our heavenly father to get you through the tough times it's the ONLY thing that has worked for us.
On the adoption end, sorry got nothing.
Pray for me, my heart is a little harden this afternoon.
A new song to hear is by 33 miles called hold on, love it!! Goes with my last post.
Love ya'll
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
"But if you suffer for doing good and you endure it, this is commendable before God. To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps" 1 peter 2:20-21
Where do I begin, how do I fit all I have learned in a blog, I need a editor to put this into a book.
So I'll start with last Friday. We got the call that for sure Ariel was going to take the baby back, so I called Kay and asked if I could come say goodbye, she said "of course", after I hung up the phone Mason's school called they said he was in the nurses office crying, something about hitting his head (which he never did) I told the nurse that even though we had not sat down with him and told him that he would not be getting that little sister just yet, he still knew that we had been distant with him and he had seen mommy and daddy upset. I went and picked him up from school and together we went to see the baby. Jamie called and was heading to the gym, by now he had shut down, he did not want to say goodbye, to hard for him. I told him that we needed to get out of town, I checked airfares and found nothing. I looked at going to the Omaha zoo or to st.Louis for a long weekend, forecast to both....rain :( We would talk about it later when we both were home.
Mason and I got to Kay's and I got to snuggle on the baby for 2 hours, tell her that we loved her and that God would look after her. A lighthouse worker showed up and her eyes began to fill with tears, I told her she had to stop or mine would start flowing again, see we all know what life would be better for this little girl, but God has given us free will, so there fore we don't always make the best choices for ourselves. All we can do is pray.
We said our goodbyes and Mason and I started home. We had many phone calls and many I ignored (sorry) it is just to hard to re say over and over, I know that because of those calls you were just calling to say sorry and that really makes us feel loved, but on that day, really I wanted to crawl under a rock. My next two weeks were planned, sitting at home with my new daughter and having 2 baby showers to look forward too, clothes to be picked up at the cleaners for court the next day, everything was just like a train running over my heart. I pleaded with God, why would you cause us so much pain?? This hurts to much to bare, God had taken me to the edge that day and I did not know at the time weather to jump off the edge or fall back into his arms to catch me, see at the time, I wanted to jump.
As I was driving home my cell rang. It was a great friend on the other end, all she said was "how are you?" I said well it's been tough, just trying to put one foot in front of the other. she said ok, I told her that Jamie,Mason and I were going to meet at home pack a bag and get out of town, I also shared with her how it was rain everywhere we wanted to go, so we had not made a destination yet. She asked if she could call me back, and she did. On the line was her, me and her travel agent. She told the agent that she needed to get a trip booked for 3 to any place sunny.
The lady replied with "sounds great, when are we leaving?" umm today....lol
She probably thought we were nuts, but she did it, she put us on hold and began to work her magic (which was God working his) she came back and said "how about Florida?, Tampa area.
My friend said " well Shelley??" I said, looks like we are going to Florida. I ran into Mason's room and said "pack a swim suit we are going to the beach."
My friend then said I need a hotel too, right on the ocean, the travel agent had to pull some strings to get this one, it was the end of spring break in FL and most were booked,but she got us one, the Hilton. My friend then said charge this to my account and said Shelley I love you and will be praying for you, now go pack.
So we did, when I told Jamie we were leaving, he walked around in a zone for about 10 minutes with, ok, what do I do?. I had to coach him, shoes, sunscreen, underwear....
So we called my folks and they took us to the airport. We landed in FL about midnight on Friday, we went and rented a car and was on our way.
But, I saw a cute little African American girl, maybe 2. She was standing there with her mom and I immediately thought of what I thought was our little girl. I began to pray for her.
We made it to the hotel and crashed for the night.
That next morning I went out on our deck, which was on the ocean side, got my book by Sheila Walsh, told God he had to speak to me today and tell me, why us???
The next chapter in my book was "when we trust in what we cannot see" , I looked up said thank you and began to read.
I felt him there, saying "Im using you and I have pushed you to the edge, but I have offered a path for you to take, it won't be the easy one, but it's the one I know you'll choose, good and faithful servant.
I will take the hard road for you Lord I said, because you took the hard one for me.
When Mason and Jamie were awake we sun screened up grab some breakfast and hit the beach.
To get to the beach, we had to take a elevator down 3 flights and walk 100 feet, it was tough :)
We rented 2 chairs and Mason a boogie board,which I tried myself and found myself having child like fun with it.
I went with Mason while Jamie sat back and watched, we played in the sand,swam in the ocean, found seashells and buried each other in the sand. Jamie then offered to go play with Mason and I went back to my book. Next chapter "When we are changed by the faithfulness of others"
Sheila Walsh herself is a women to has changed others lives by telling her story, she suffers with depression and talks about it openly with women, telling them that it's ok to have to take her little blue pill everyday, God does not mind. but I also felt God telling me, that the crowd that Jamie and I have around us are watching, on lookers seeing what we may do in this situation we are in,
well here we are, still knowing that God's plan is better for us than we know.
The next chapter "when God seems so far away", yes I felt this on Thursday and Friday, I already shared with you how I was pleading with God where was he and why is he doing this to us?, I did not think I could handle this much.
See it makes me think of the day that Jesus took Journie from my arms to his. I thought that was a hard day,but for some reason I was so comforted by him that day, his presence was so close, and I knew that Journie was going to a home where she would be safe in his arms forever. I could not let go of the fact that, this baby was not going somewhere better, she would not have the life we could have gave her, I still do not know the answers to these questions and I may never know them.
I could not put my book down, I needed another word from him to live on the rest of the day, chapter 13, "when we share the heart of the Shepard " yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil" well folks good news to that verse. To have a shadow you must have light around it, so I'm living on the light around it, I have to focus here to stay and live, til I have another moment to come read again.
We enjoyed our time at the beach,went back to the room and shared between Jamie and I who had the worst burn :) Mason of course, was just black and I was jealous :)
We went and had a great dinner outside the beach at a place called Frenchy's rock away grill, Mason ate his weight in peel n' eat shrimp, I had a grouper sandwich and Jamie a blacken chicken sandwich, it was great. We stopped on the walk back to the hotel and bought a huge cookie and sat outside and ate it, Mason ate more than half, only because I was not fast enough to get to it. We walked and just enjoyed one another.
Over the few days, I would sit at the pool watch the children play, thank God for sunglasses, for at moments I would cry because I was thankful for the friend I have who sent us here to heal, at times I cried knowing that I really could fall back and he will catch me, at times I cried becasue I would wonder how different my life would be if I was at home with my daughter and not here in Fl., Lots of stuff to work out and go through, but he worked it all out for his good, it always does.
So, we continued to have a great time in FL, we went and saw a aquarium where they rescued hurt sea animals, one dolphin named winter was amazing, she was 3 months old and her tail got tangled in a fisherman's net, this facility took her in and watched after her, her tail was so damaged by the net that it began to fall off, she learned to swim like a fish in a back and forth motion not up and down like a traditional dolphin would swim. I got into a conversation with a man that worked there, who knew I must have been inspired by her story, not many folks were around and he let me go behind the ropes and look at her, her trainer was with her and she was working on strengthening her spine, a man who owned a prosthetic company made Winter a fake tail, it was made with fiber glass and silicon, this piece slipped onto her tail and she could then swim in a dolphin like swim, they say she wears it a couple hours a day to keep her spine strong, other wise she just swims like a fish, even him talking to me I was a little teary, he said you know, just like any of us, when we are faced with a challenge in life, we can give up or we can become stronger. WOW, did he know I needed to hear that, thank you Lord for using a dolphin to get through this day. We had many things that God showed us and if I was not searching for him, I may have just missed them,
See friends..... it's what I don't want to miss that keeps us going, I don't want to miss God's blessing and therefore I don't want anything that's not God's will for us. I know that his timing is still perfect and I do not know that timing, it's not easy either, I have a closet full of little girl clothes that I'm dying to put on my little girl, so will I be patient? Yes, will I stop asking? NO!!
So on the plane ride home yesterday I finished my book, the last chapter " The adventure continues" is God not GOOD or what???
This adventure for us continues and thanking God for the water the sun and the sand, for this is the song I sing...
"My hope is built on nothing less,
than Jesus' blood and righteousness,
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
but wholly lean in Jesus' name,
on Christ , the solid rock, I stand
all other ground is sinking sand, all other ground is sinking sand.
Love you, keep praying for us :)
Where do I begin, how do I fit all I have learned in a blog, I need a editor to put this into a book.
So I'll start with last Friday. We got the call that for sure Ariel was going to take the baby back, so I called Kay and asked if I could come say goodbye, she said "of course", after I hung up the phone Mason's school called they said he was in the nurses office crying, something about hitting his head (which he never did) I told the nurse that even though we had not sat down with him and told him that he would not be getting that little sister just yet, he still knew that we had been distant with him and he had seen mommy and daddy upset. I went and picked him up from school and together we went to see the baby. Jamie called and was heading to the gym, by now he had shut down, he did not want to say goodbye, to hard for him. I told him that we needed to get out of town, I checked airfares and found nothing. I looked at going to the Omaha zoo or to st.Louis for a long weekend, forecast to both....rain :( We would talk about it later when we both were home.
Mason and I got to Kay's and I got to snuggle on the baby for 2 hours, tell her that we loved her and that God would look after her. A lighthouse worker showed up and her eyes began to fill with tears, I told her she had to stop or mine would start flowing again, see we all know what life would be better for this little girl, but God has given us free will, so there fore we don't always make the best choices for ourselves. All we can do is pray.
We said our goodbyes and Mason and I started home. We had many phone calls and many I ignored (sorry) it is just to hard to re say over and over, I know that because of those calls you were just calling to say sorry and that really makes us feel loved, but on that day, really I wanted to crawl under a rock. My next two weeks were planned, sitting at home with my new daughter and having 2 baby showers to look forward too, clothes to be picked up at the cleaners for court the next day, everything was just like a train running over my heart. I pleaded with God, why would you cause us so much pain?? This hurts to much to bare, God had taken me to the edge that day and I did not know at the time weather to jump off the edge or fall back into his arms to catch me, see at the time, I wanted to jump.
As I was driving home my cell rang. It was a great friend on the other end, all she said was "how are you?" I said well it's been tough, just trying to put one foot in front of the other. she said ok, I told her that Jamie,Mason and I were going to meet at home pack a bag and get out of town, I also shared with her how it was rain everywhere we wanted to go, so we had not made a destination yet. She asked if she could call me back, and she did. On the line was her, me and her travel agent. She told the agent that she needed to get a trip booked for 3 to any place sunny.
The lady replied with "sounds great, when are we leaving?" umm today....lol
She probably thought we were nuts, but she did it, she put us on hold and began to work her magic (which was God working his) she came back and said "how about Florida?, Tampa area.
My friend said " well Shelley??" I said, looks like we are going to Florida. I ran into Mason's room and said "pack a swim suit we are going to the beach."
My friend then said I need a hotel too, right on the ocean, the travel agent had to pull some strings to get this one, it was the end of spring break in FL and most were booked,but she got us one, the Hilton. My friend then said charge this to my account and said Shelley I love you and will be praying for you, now go pack.
So we did, when I told Jamie we were leaving, he walked around in a zone for about 10 minutes with, ok, what do I do?. I had to coach him, shoes, sunscreen, underwear....
So we called my folks and they took us to the airport. We landed in FL about midnight on Friday, we went and rented a car and was on our way.
But, I saw a cute little African American girl, maybe 2. She was standing there with her mom and I immediately thought of what I thought was our little girl. I began to pray for her.
We made it to the hotel and crashed for the night.
That next morning I went out on our deck, which was on the ocean side, got my book by Sheila Walsh, told God he had to speak to me today and tell me, why us???
The next chapter in my book was "when we trust in what we cannot see" , I looked up said thank you and began to read.
I felt him there, saying "Im using you and I have pushed you to the edge, but I have offered a path for you to take, it won't be the easy one, but it's the one I know you'll choose, good and faithful servant.
I will take the hard road for you Lord I said, because you took the hard one for me.
When Mason and Jamie were awake we sun screened up grab some breakfast and hit the beach.
To get to the beach, we had to take a elevator down 3 flights and walk 100 feet, it was tough :)
We rented 2 chairs and Mason a boogie board,which I tried myself and found myself having child like fun with it.
I went with Mason while Jamie sat back and watched, we played in the sand,swam in the ocean, found seashells and buried each other in the sand. Jamie then offered to go play with Mason and I went back to my book. Next chapter "When we are changed by the faithfulness of others"
Sheila Walsh herself is a women to has changed others lives by telling her story, she suffers with depression and talks about it openly with women, telling them that it's ok to have to take her little blue pill everyday, God does not mind. but I also felt God telling me, that the crowd that Jamie and I have around us are watching, on lookers seeing what we may do in this situation we are in,
well here we are, still knowing that God's plan is better for us than we know.
The next chapter "when God seems so far away", yes I felt this on Thursday and Friday, I already shared with you how I was pleading with God where was he and why is he doing this to us?, I did not think I could handle this much.
See it makes me think of the day that Jesus took Journie from my arms to his. I thought that was a hard day,but for some reason I was so comforted by him that day, his presence was so close, and I knew that Journie was going to a home where she would be safe in his arms forever. I could not let go of the fact that, this baby was not going somewhere better, she would not have the life we could have gave her, I still do not know the answers to these questions and I may never know them.
I could not put my book down, I needed another word from him to live on the rest of the day, chapter 13, "when we share the heart of the Shepard " yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil" well folks good news to that verse. To have a shadow you must have light around it, so I'm living on the light around it, I have to focus here to stay and live, til I have another moment to come read again.
We enjoyed our time at the beach,went back to the room and shared between Jamie and I who had the worst burn :) Mason of course, was just black and I was jealous :)
We went and had a great dinner outside the beach at a place called Frenchy's rock away grill, Mason ate his weight in peel n' eat shrimp, I had a grouper sandwich and Jamie a blacken chicken sandwich, it was great. We stopped on the walk back to the hotel and bought a huge cookie and sat outside and ate it, Mason ate more than half, only because I was not fast enough to get to it. We walked and just enjoyed one another.
Over the few days, I would sit at the pool watch the children play, thank God for sunglasses, for at moments I would cry because I was thankful for the friend I have who sent us here to heal, at times I cried knowing that I really could fall back and he will catch me, at times I cried becasue I would wonder how different my life would be if I was at home with my daughter and not here in Fl., Lots of stuff to work out and go through, but he worked it all out for his good, it always does.
So, we continued to have a great time in FL, we went and saw a aquarium where they rescued hurt sea animals, one dolphin named winter was amazing, she was 3 months old and her tail got tangled in a fisherman's net, this facility took her in and watched after her, her tail was so damaged by the net that it began to fall off, she learned to swim like a fish in a back and forth motion not up and down like a traditional dolphin would swim. I got into a conversation with a man that worked there, who knew I must have been inspired by her story, not many folks were around and he let me go behind the ropes and look at her, her trainer was with her and she was working on strengthening her spine, a man who owned a prosthetic company made Winter a fake tail, it was made with fiber glass and silicon, this piece slipped onto her tail and she could then swim in a dolphin like swim, they say she wears it a couple hours a day to keep her spine strong, other wise she just swims like a fish, even him talking to me I was a little teary, he said you know, just like any of us, when we are faced with a challenge in life, we can give up or we can become stronger. WOW, did he know I needed to hear that, thank you Lord for using a dolphin to get through this day. We had many things that God showed us and if I was not searching for him, I may have just missed them,
See friends..... it's what I don't want to miss that keeps us going, I don't want to miss God's blessing and therefore I don't want anything that's not God's will for us. I know that his timing is still perfect and I do not know that timing, it's not easy either, I have a closet full of little girl clothes that I'm dying to put on my little girl, so will I be patient? Yes, will I stop asking? NO!!
So on the plane ride home yesterday I finished my book, the last chapter " The adventure continues" is God not GOOD or what???
This adventure for us continues and thanking God for the water the sun and the sand, for this is the song I sing...
"My hope is built on nothing less,
than Jesus' blood and righteousness,
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
but wholly lean in Jesus' name,
on Christ , the solid rock, I stand
all other ground is sinking sand, all other ground is sinking sand.
Love you, keep praying for us :)
Monday, April 26, 2010
Friday, April 23, 2010
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
A Mason funny after visiting Marley tonight.
Just the three of us went to Culver's for a bite to eat, we were sitting there watching Mason chow down on his ice cream. We were bragging on him how well he did while his little sister did a little doodle on him while he was holding her. He was great with her tonight, and he was so proud of himself for holding her, she kept trying to follow his voice to look at him, but she just could not focus on him.
So, Jamie told him he was doing such a great job that next week daddy was going to take mommy out on the town and Mason could stay home with her, he gave us those crazy eyebrows and said
" dad, you can't leave a 6 year old home alone with a baby" lol
He cracks us up!!
Have a great night.
Just the three of us went to Culver's for a bite to eat, we were sitting there watching Mason chow down on his ice cream. We were bragging on him how well he did while his little sister did a little doodle on him while he was holding her. He was great with her tonight, and he was so proud of himself for holding her, she kept trying to follow his voice to look at him, but she just could not focus on him.
So, Jamie told him he was doing such a great job that next week daddy was going to take mommy out on the town and Mason could stay home with her, he gave us those crazy eyebrows and said
" dad, you can't leave a 6 year old home alone with a baby" lol
He cracks us up!!
Have a great night.
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Well, she is here.
We have not met her yet, but this afternoon.
I can not stand it, so Im showering and going to go get the birth mom a gift and some flowers.
The baby weighs 7lbs 9ounces and came at 3am this morning, she is 20 inches long.
Her birthday is 4/18
By no mistake Matthew 4:18 says...as Jesus was walking besides the sea of Galiee he saw two brothers, Peter and Andrew. They were casting a net into the lake,for they were fishermen. 19 "come follow me, Jesus said and I will make you fisher of men"
Praise you Jesus, praising you out loud!
We have not met her yet, but this afternoon.
I can not stand it, so Im showering and going to go get the birth mom a gift and some flowers.
The baby weighs 7lbs 9ounces and came at 3am this morning, she is 20 inches long.
Her birthday is 4/18
By no mistake Matthew 4:18 says...as Jesus was walking besides the sea of Galiee he saw two brothers, Peter and Andrew. They were casting a net into the lake,for they were fishermen. 19 "come follow me, Jesus said and I will make you fisher of men"
Praise you Jesus, praising you out loud!
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