Did you ever think that God speaking could come in so many different ways?
When I see a beautiful sunset, I think him for the warmth of the sun, knowing he sent it to say good morning to me. Every time I see a rainbow I immediately think about his promise to Noah, that he will never flood the earth again. God speaks to us in so many different ways, we just have to be first, tuned into him and the Holy Spirit, and second not being so busy that we miss what he has sent us.
Everyday before I open my eyes, I tell the Lord to use me today. I ask him that I want to be the fruit at the end of the vine, shining for those who don't believe.
When I get to work I have a daily devotional that I do, usually just a page, I look up a few scriptures that are in the devotional. Throughout the day I try in my human way to stay connected to him,you know when you were younger and your mom told you to check in? She wanted you to call to make sure you were ok?. Back then we had to either be at someones house to call to check in , or have change for the $.35 it cost to use a pay phone. I think God is our Father asking us to do the same thing, best part no change and don't have to be at a friends house. We can call him up anytime and talk.
So yesterday when I awoke I said my same prayer as I rose out of bed, but since I was not at work I forgot to bring my devotional home. I did not even remember til God spoke to me this evening. I just went about my day running errands,cleaning the house, going to the store.
I did thank him when I went outside with the puppy, just thankful for the day with my kids and that I was not outside potty training this puppy in the SNOW! Other than that I was flying solo.
Well this is the part I get to tell you about God Speaking.
Jamie and Mason headed to his football practice and Marlie and I to the grocery store.
I was doing her WIC shopping. As a foster baby she gets WIC, all of our babies do. I think it's get that they help us out while caring for these little ones. I often say, she has felt like our own for so long, we should not qualify, but they just keep giving us the coupons. I also have mixed feelings when I go to the store to get these items. I know I can afford the foods, but you know you have judged someone with WIC, or maybe even felt sorry for them. They have to only get these certain items, they take a lot longer in line, cuz they have to scan every item sign for it...blah blah blah. I've seen a lady get all her WIC then buy with her own money beer and cigarettes. I judged her, why can't she put back that stuff and then she would have money to feed her own kids, right?
Well that was a long time ago and now I know who am I to judge her? Maybe her husband beats her, if she does not come home with those items? What if she has such a horrible life that a cigarette and a beer gets her through the day? I'm not her, I've never walked in her shoes, so now I just mind my own business!!
The looks you get while there is a long line behind you can feel like lasers in the back of your head. People are judging you most of the time. A lot of times I have Marlie and Mason who are great distractions, but sometimes not.
Well last night it was just Marlie and me (that's a book, right? LOL)
Marlie gets $6 worth of fruits and vegetables, if there is nothing fresh on sale I grab frozen, but a lot was on sale yesterday in the fresh section. So I have to use my math skills here, you can not go over the $6 for any reason. So I grab 2 pineapples which are $2 each, while standing there a lady comes up, she ask are these ripe. I said yes, they need to be eaten now, but I told her with my fruits and veggies that are going bad, I throw in my juicer and how much Marlie enjoys the juice from the juicer so much better that that store made stuff. She said, oh really, I have a juicer and have not used it in over a year. Thanks, you have motivated me to break it out and use it again. I encouraged her and told her how well I feel when I use it. We then separated and walked to different isles. I was then headed for the bananas, I can not just pick up a bundle, I have to weigh them and see how many I can get, well Marlie got 3 bananas. As I was weighing them a man with his little girl in the cart says to his little girl. Leila say hi to the little girl, speaking about Marlie. Marlie and Leila both were, hi, hi, hi , hi.....chatter chatter, who knows what they were saying. I then said, did you say her name was Leila? He said yes. I went on to tell him that name would always be special for us, for that was her name when she came into to our foster care. I told him we were adopting her and changed it to Marlie. He smiled and said that's a good name too. So not 5 minutes into my journey at the Price Chopper and I was about to cry, her name is Leila, they could have just walked on by and grabbed their bananas,but did not. God Speaking?, I think so.
Down every isle, my little wal mart greeter is saying, HI to every person she passes. If you did not hear her on the first HI,she gets louder and loUDER while waving now at you. HI HI (WAVE WAVE WAVE) All of them wave and day hi back while always smiling back at her, either a "how cute" or "she is so sweet". Maybe this time God is using her to brighten someone's day. Everyone she said hi to was not smiling til after she got their attention. Most of the trip was her waving, yelling HI, me making sure I got the right item on the list at the right weight, right brand, right everything.
We get over to the cheeses and there is Leila with her dad again. I said "Marlie look it's your friend Leila" she looks wave and says "Leila" or in her voice it was "Lay- wah"
We headed to the check out, where a young man checked us through while a older lady sacked our groceries. The man behind us in line immediately said "your little girl is the most beautiful little girl I have ever seen" I said thanks and I was signing all the paperwork as he rang up our items. A conversation was taking place between the man behind me in line, the cashier and the lady sacking the groceries. From the man in line, they all came to find out that she was our foster baby and that we were adopting her. The cashier next to us said, oh really?
So the whole front of the store is talking about Marlie now. How we got her, how are we foster parents, how can we say goodbye to some of the babies.....ect ect ect.
The sacker tells us she lived in 4 foster homes, before someone took her in to adopt her. The cashier next to me says she got pregnant at 15 and thought about adoption, her little girl is now 2, she is working full time and going to school part time to care for her little girl. The cashier is just amazed by all the stories and ask, what makes someone want to do something like this?
I said, my husband and I really feel like this is what God has asked us to do, this is our gift. The sackers jaw dropped, he smiled in recognition and the man behind us says, well that just great.
The cashier next to us smiles and nods. I go on to tell them that we adopted our son on Dec 24th and she would be adopted on Dec 22. Marlie is still at this time, charming everyone around her. The man behind me says, well she sure is a special little girl then. I said yes and started to push my cart to the exit. I make it all the way to the car load the groceries and sit down to start the car, while my eyes fill with tears, I know that God was all around us in the store, using us to share God's love. He showed me in every step of the store how he was setting it up. So as I finish up this blog, read through the words to this song, it talks about how God speaking came come from any where. Love you all !!

Have you ever heard a love song
That set your spirit free
Have you ever watched a sunrise
And felt you could not breathe
What if it's Him
What if it's God speaking
Have you ever cried a tear that
You could not explain
Have you ever met a stranger
That already knew your name
What if it's Him
What if it's God speaking

Who knows how He'll get a hold of us
Get our attention to prove He is enough
He'll do and He'll use
Whatever He wants to
To tell us I love you

Have you ever lost a loved one
Who you thought should still be here
Do you know what it feels like
To be tangled up in fear
What if He's somehow involved
What if He's speaking through it all

His ways are higher
His ways are better
Though sometimes strange
What could be stranger
Than God in a manger

God is speaking
I love you

http://lyricstranslate.com

Update on Marlie


Going through this the word says "that perseverance will bring character and integrity.”, not maybe the character God was hoping for....
We think that we are at the end of this journey, dfs told us we had just a few more forms to get filled out, a couple more visits and we even got a phone call from our lawyer that says we are on the court date for Nov 18th, to finalize this adoption!!
I know this is so 80's , but.............NOT!!
Jamie and I worked our tails off to get all the paper work signed. Marlie had to have a full health evaluation done. They wanted her to be seen for a well child check up as well as visit her neurologist to get a medical update. Well they gave us a whole 2 weeks to get this done, it is hard enough to get into a regular dr for a well check up, but they want us to see a neurologist "just because", sure I'm sure he will drop all his patience having seizures and with brain cancer to see us...again NOT. Her appt for them is November 30th.
I called her primary dr and told her that we were needing a dr note stating if they think she may be a medical baby or if she thinks she will be fine down the road. You see if they sign she is a medical baby, the state will provide us with any needs that may come arise in her near future, if they sign she is no longer a medical baby, they will not.
This dr said to come in and she would fill it out and sign it, she got us in her office in 3 days and sign the paper work the next day, thank you Dr Dean :)
Marlie has not been a patient of hers for long, so all she knows is by what she is seeing now, she said that Marlie is right on track for everything she needs to be doing, she even said her speech is 15 to 20 words above most children at that age, which we think is cute, cuz when she says funny things in her own way,it's hysterical. She says, tut shoes "cute shoes" and may men "amen", just sweet.
Anyways the dr signed for her to continue on the medical baby form, she not knowing what may come arise in her near future. This form is for 2 years, so after being evaluated after 2 years she can be taken off.
Dr.Dean says she does not want her to have the lable of a "drug exposed,fetal alcohol syndrome" if she does no longer have it. (now there is another miracle right there) I have a son who was born with fetal alcohol syndrome and is fine, thanks to prayer, now I have a daughter who is has healed too....thank you Jesus for your mercy and answer to prayer.
So, this paper work is signed and at the dr office on Tuesday, I called dfs on Tuesday and also emailed our worker the same day. No response, called and emailed everyone I knew on Wed, no response, on Thursday I got an email from what I thought was our worker, she forwarded the email onto the new worker and that she was no longer on this case.....ahhhgggg.
This worker called me on Friday, this is the day all our paper work has to be submitted to the state!!!
She calls me, we meet in a gas station parking lot to sign papers, Jamie meets her at her office after getting off work to sign the rest. Then I get the call that about sends me through the roof, she calls and tells me that all the paper work was suppose to be in Jeff city this day, not just mailed...WHAT?????
Ok, well my part has been done and taking care of since Monday, it could have been there by now, if you would have called me back! So she makes a few phone calls and says it can be there no later than Tuesday.
She knows regular mail won't make it, I said ok, let's over night it, "well we can do that , she says, but I can't pay for that, they wont reimburse me". I said I will pay for it , I just want it there on time!!
So, I go to the post office, pay 20 bucks for a few pieces of paper to be shipped to  Jefferson City, when I hear what I can not believe. The worker tells me that they wanted a letter from the dr saying why they signed her as a medical baby. Did I hear her right? UMMM she signed it because you have been calling her a medical baby since she has been in dfs custody?, duh!
So no, there is not a letter from the dr in that packet. At this point, I'm about to explode, I let myself take over and not at all ask God for some help.  I was "ON" as my sweet husband puts it.
So, when I finally threw my hands up in the air, with "well it's sent so if it all gets sent back and we have to do it all over again, I guess that is what we will do, (insert a big sigh here)
I was driving in my car headed home when my "revolve" cd was playing and on came Britt Nicole. I have heard and sang this song a million times, but it was today that while I sang it I cried,asking God to forgive me for letting my earthly body mind and voice take over.  I will post the words below, but you won't get the true meaning unless you youtube it. Britt Nicole,"have it your way" I then right there, let it go. I surrender to the Lord this day, I sang to the Lord "have it your way" I know God has known the  date of her adoption forever, so why am I worrying about it? Well, today I can tell you I'm not. He has got this as he has had all the other things, I have fully given him.
So what is it today that you need to give to him?, give it to him fully.Give it to him fully, know he is closer to you than the air you breathe. He has got you and your situation in the palm of your hand and in HIS timing he will show up and bless your socks off.
In Him
Shelley
Feels like i`ve been here forever,


Why can`t you just intervene?

Do you see the tears keep falling?

And i`m falling apart at the seams.

But you never said the road would be easy,

But you said that you would never leave.

And you never promised that this life wasn`t hard,

But you promised you`d take care of me.



So I`ll stop searching for the answers,

I`ll stop praying for an escape,

And I`ll trust you,God, with where i am,

And believe that you will have your way.

Just have your way.

Just have your way.



When my friends and my family have left me,

And I feel so ashamed and so cold.

Remind me that you take broken things

And turn them into beautiful.



So I`ll stop searching for the answers,

I`ll stop praying for an escape,

And i`ll trust you, God, with where i am,

And believe that you`ll have your way.

Just have your way.

Just have your way.



Even if my dreams have died,

And even if i don`t survive,

I`ll still worship you with all my life.

My life.

Whoa-oh..



And I`ll stop searching for the answers,

I`ll stop praying for an escape,

And i`ll trust you, God, with where i am,

And believe that you will have your way.

Just have your way.

Just have your way.



I know you will.

I won`t forget.

Whoa-oh

You love me.

Have your way.

Yeah

35 Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed. Mark 1:35
 
 
My quiet time is in the am, God always wakes me up at least 7 minutes before my alarm goes off.  This has been happening for a long time now, and never fails I always know why he has woke me up earlier than I needed to get up, to talk to him. He knows what I'm going to say, because it is him whom I have asked what and who to pray for.
 I love this time, it allows me to wake up. To start my day off knowing that I have given my prayers to the Lord and it reminds me to pray, speaking of reminding me to pray , here is something that is annoying.......no, not God waking me up before the alarm, that is a blessing.
For as long as I can remember when we have a mission team go out our church passes out bracelets with names of the folks who are going on the trip, we wear these bracelets on our wrist and it reminds us to pray for them. Now for a girl who sells jewelry I always have on a bracelet or watch, some kind of accessory. 
Well when I get one of these bracelets, it never fails that it has some sharp edge that pokes me, at first I thought how annoying it was and it was not only bugging me, but scratching my wrist, I told a friend I was going to scar from all these bracelets I wear. Then of course God slaps me in the face with, I'm making that bracelet bug you so you will remember to pray for this person. He also tells me, that it is him that wears the permanent scar for all of us, that he sent his son to die on the cross and the scars on his hands and feet should be our daily reminder that we are forgiven forever, that whatever you have labeled yourself. thief, liar,murder,adulterer,abuser, whatever it is. If you have asked him to forgive you of those sins, that you no longer are that name. He does not even know what you are talking about, you are clean and pure, you are now his forever!! Amazing isn't is? That just makes my heart wanna sing!!
Well this was not an adoption post, but something the Lord placed on my heart, so go now children in forgiveness and be FREE :)
In Him
Shelley

The verdict is in....

Friday we got up and were ready for our "staffing" the meeting was not til 1 o'clock so we had lots of time to ....worry...LOL
I did not worry actually, I was calm and ready to go, Jamie was nervous and said his stomach was a little unsettled. When we got to our destination, we were the first ones there, we had no idea where to go or in that matter who would be attending this meeting. We saw our licensing worker and let out a sigh of relief, a familiar face was a good one to see, she lead us back to the conference room and one by one people came into this meeting, I have to spare you all the details of what was said inside the meeting for it is strictly confidential and I do not want to mess things up now!!
We were told to expect to be there a min of 2 hours and we were only there for 45 minutes. With time to spare Jamie and I decided to go for a cup of coffee, he said "when will they call to let us know if we have been chose?, a week or two?" I said "oh, no they said they would let us know by the end of the day"
We were just getting into conversation when my phone rang, it was a number I did not recognize. I raised my eyebrows to my husband as if  "maybe this is them??"
As I hung up, he said "well?" They picked us I said!! Trying not to cry while sitting at the krispy kreme donut shop was a little hard, but in my heart we already knew that God had chosen us to be her mom and dad and her BIG BROTHER :)
I told Jamie ok who do we call before we post it on FB. We made a few phone calls and sent some text before posting.
So we only have one more court date to finalize her adoption, this will allow us to legally change her name and get a new birth certificate. Lots of you have already been calling her Marlie, which I love!!
Makes me think of how much I love her name, it's Marlie Claire McCain, Marlie was the name Jamie picked out. I wanted her middle name to be my grandmother's name. Her name is Claire, my grandmother passed away when I was little and I don't remember her. My mom's side of the family says I look a lot like her, long legs ,torso and we have the same smile. Kinda makes me tear up, knowing my little girl carries the same name of a lady who I resemble. I'm sure she would be thrilled that she is caring her name.

 We have a run that we are planning soon, we will have t-shirts, so if you want one let me know. you don't have to be in the run to get a t-shirt, it can just be a reminder that every time you put it on to pray for our little girl. I'm not sure on the cost yet, we have to get them priced. I will keep you updated on this. The
t-shirt sales is not for making a profit, just for fun kinda thing.
We also will be doing our worship and celebration once we find out her final court date, You read about that if you read my last post.Like I said we will keep you updated as we find out more info, thanks for praying and please continue to do so.
In Him
Shelley McCain

Well, this is a post that I have known for some time now, but just now having a moment to sit down and let you all in on it.

Here is the update first.

We were told that our staffing would be on October 17, a staffing again if you forgot is where normally the case workers and all others that are affiliated with this case, go out and scout for families who might be interested in adopting the child. They will go through many files looking for about 5 families to look at in the possibility to adopt the child. After they find about 5 families all these people meet with the families one by one ask them questions, look through photo books and just try and get to know them, then the staff meet all alone and pick a family to adopt the child. This is how a normal staffing looks.
Well in our case Peanut has been in our care long enough that no other families will be brought to the staffing, it will just be us, now there is always a small chance that they meet with us and think we are not right for her and then decide to do another staffing to find her the right family. I know you are thinking .... "are you kidding me??".....LOL
My thought is if she has lived in our home for 16 months and you do not think she is right for us, then you should have found her another foster home a long time ago. Anyways, that's just my defense mechanism coming out.

You know the game you use to play as a child, where you all sit in a circle and one person says a secret and then you pass the secret til it gets to the end? We use to call it telephone, some call it other things. Well God and I have had a secret for awhile that she is a McCain, we are just waiting for the whole circle to hear before we shout out the message ;)
Well we got a phone call the other day from the adoption worker, she has spoke with us one other time and knew we wished for an earlier adoption staffing, but things get crazy in the summer and they were backed up. So we were surprised to hear from her so early, but she came with good news, remember when Mason was suppose to be adopted in January and God moved it up to Christmas day, that was cool huh?
Well God moved this day up to, we now have a staffing on Sept 9th !!!! We arrive at 1 pm to start our staffing meeting, at the end of the day we will know weather they have chosen us to adopt her or if they need to seek another family for her. If they choose us, then it is mandatory that we have our court hearing for her FINAL adoption 45 days from Sept 9th, doing the math right now are you??
Well let me stop all that and tell you that God willing little Peanut will finally have the last name McCain by the 24th of October!! WOO HOO.
So here is the part that God has been deeply working in me, it was a hot summer day in July when we asked many friends and family to join us at the church for a benefit concert to help support us in this journey we have fully taken on. We sang songs and gave testimonies, it was a wonderful night, well God has been stiring all those emotions back up again, when I tried to suppress them, he said, "well....don't you want to finish the story? don't you want to tell them how it ends?" I, of course agreed with him and asked him to pour into me the revelation so I too could see his future plans. He does not want this to be a benefit concert, there is nothing to raise money for this time, this is to worship, this is to thank him out loud. At the end of my testimony last year I told you all that Jamie and I have been running physically, that we had already been injured and dehydrated, that we know this is a race the Lord has asked us to run, I boldly again tell you as I did that night, that we will finish this race with our arms raised in a V, for we are going to finish this race in VICTORY!! Jamie and I have decided that we will be doing a run soon, maybe at bass pro shop or maybe just down Adams dairy parkway. We will make t-shirts if you want to purchase one, it again won't be to make money, just a opportunity to purchase one if you would like, but the big event will be held at church, after we see when our adoption date is we will announce it to you all, tell everyone you know, bring them to FBC that day come to celebrate with us, we will be just praising God and I will be telling the story of how we finished the race :)
After the worship concert we will head down stairs for a little sweet fellowship. I picture crystal and glass jars filled with candy, for this will be one sweet moment. Instead of doing any kind of baby shower, this will be our big celebration of little nutter butter becoming Marlie Claire McCain.
Can't wait for this glorious day....It's getting closer believe it's coming.
Love you all
XOXOXOXO

"You will seek me and find me , when you seek me with ALL of your heart" Jeremiah 29:11


This weekend Mason and I went on a great float trip with some friends, we had a wonderful time. Floating down the river looking up at the trees and all God's creation was amazing. Today when I opened up my "Jesus Calling " book it read about his love call to us, he talks about the birds and how they call to one another, in the same way he calls to us, it may be through the birds or even through a thought or a sound. I loved the sound of all the bugs at night, it made me feel at peace.
He also says there is no limit to the way he may communicate to us, but one thing I know for sure, you have to be listening and giving the time to him so he can speak to you. Mason sometimes talks non stop and Jamie and I will have to tell him to be quiet so he can hear what we are saying, I feel the Lord sometimes saying that. We tell him over and over, Lord have all of me, the answer is yes, now what is the question?, but really are we or are we so wrapped up in our earthly lives that we forget to daily seek him and follow his voice, believe me he is interested in even what your choice for supper is, you did remember to invite him, didn't you?
He says that when the birds are calling you can find him, but also in hard times like grief too. He takes the torn tavern tapestry of our lives and makes this beautiful pattern for nothing but good.
Last night I was happy when Mason was praying and remembered to pray for court today, he ask "and dear Lord, please let us keep Peanut forever, she is the best sister"
as well as I liked the prayer and for sure agreed with him, I worried as I always do the night before court, I did pray that her mom would have the same heart and she did last time we met, but I also worried and satan knew that I was unsettled about it, so he chose to attack me. Now there have been times I have felt him near and I have had to command him to leave in the name of my savior Jesus Christ, but he attacked me in my sleep. As I was drifting off to sleep I felt sick, like feverish, I was freezing and I could not get comfortable, I tossed and turned and had felt kinda like I was coming down with the flu. I tried to convince myself I was just dehydrated from a long trip, or maybe just tired from not sleeping well, the thought even came to me that maybe I even got something from being on that trip. It was crazy and I finally drifted off to sleep, which was BAD. I have never been more terrified in all my life when I awoke. I know I was dreaming, but it felt so real. Satan was attacking me and I could not get away from him, with all my heart I was trying to say "In the name of Jesus Christ, the man that shed his blood on the cross for my sins, I command you to flee!!!!", but I could not, I could not speak, I could not get it out, I was terrified that I was stuck with him attacking me. Oh my gosh telling you makes my heart speed up, when I awoke my clothes were soaked from sweat, I of course could not go back to sleep , I was even too terrified to move. I prayed over and over for God to come cover me with peace, which I did get, but it took awhile for me to calm down. This was much worse than any panic attack I have ever had. I say all this because Satan can attack you at any moment, I had a friend once ask if I really believed that satan could interfere with a job opportunity, the answer is YES!! Did I mention that when I woke up today I was hoarse? My voice has returned a small bit, but you know when you have lost your voice and it hurts to talk ?, I have that now.
I woke up feeling tired and not well, I forced myself to eat something and began to get ready for court. I read my Jesus calling book, looked up some scripture and jumped in the shower. I still did not feel at peace. So while Jamie was getting ready I just met the Lord in my kitchen, I was crying asking him for some peace that I knew that could only come from him, I listen to the song that Jamie's cousin Heather posted, it gave me some relief. While we traveled to pick up my mom I felt still, just kinda ill. I wanted to go to court refreshed and ready, but I was lacking some confidence. Once my mom got in the car Mason began to talk all about his great time on our float trip and the tension eased. I finally felt safe and found joy in the stories Mason was telling, by the time we arrived I felt almost normal, except my tired voice box.
My mom sat in the play area with the kids while Jamie and I headed into the court room, Jamie and I laughed as we could never work there, it's old and smells funny, the lighting is enough to give you a migraine. We sat down in the back of the court room like always and Peanuts mom caught my eye as I was walking in, I grinned at her the best I could , knowing what I was pretty sure her future held this day. She smiled back a half grin and the judge then called her to the stand. I could not see her mom, for there was a lawyer in the way, but she answered all the questioned they asked her and there was one I won't forget. They said ( I'm going to use Sarah as her name) Sarah- "do you agree that the best interest for your daughter is to live with the foster family?", she said "you mean Jamie and Shelley?, as she peeked past the lawyers head to make eye contact with us, almost in a way of , of course I know them and she does not call us "the foster family", but by first names. She then agreed that she wanted her daughter to live with us and allow us to adopt her baby girl. The judge by law has to tell Sarah, that if something were to happen to us and that we could not follow through with the adoption that she would still be adopted out and she would not get her rights back, Sarah looked at the judge and said, I want them to have her, no body else. The judge said, I understand what you are saying, but do you understand that sometimes things happen and that she could possibly go somewhere else?, she was not ok with it, but knew she could not keep her no matter what. The judge did tell her the interest of the court was for us to get to adopt her, but......
She then agreed to sign over her rights on the court document right then and there. Then we were scared that Peanuts half brother's dad may come into play, but it did not, they dismissed him from the case and will not be considered as a adoptive resource.
The judge dismissed Sarah from the stand and as she began to sit back down I could hear her begin to cry, she knew what she had done and as much as it hurt she was doing the right thing.
Court was dismissed and all parties began to exit the court room. I walked over to Sarah who was still weeping and I touched her back, she reached her arms out for a hug, wrapped around me as if I was the only thing holding her up I told her that I was so proud of her and she whispered in my ear"please don't let them take her from you" I told her that we would do all that was in our power to fight for her, that I did not think she had anything to worry about, that all was going in a good direction and not to worry. I told her to take care of herself and to get clean. (She has been clean for 7 days today)
We said our good byes and I headed to the restroom, as I was trying to pull it together I heard the door open and also hear someone crying, when I opened the bathroom door, it was Peanuts mom, we talked for a moment, while we sniffled and wiped eyes over and over. As I reached for the door to leave, she asked if I would do her one favor?, I said" sure" she said " will you tell her I love her?", I smiled and said "always"
Her mom is now done with court dates and we will not see her anymore, we are now just waiting for some more court dates to come and go , we are not sure the time frame of this. We will for sure keep you up to date on what happens so you can all join in this celebration when we finally can call her a McCain!!

I'am not reposting this to bring back memories, even though it did, but even as a few tears fell as I remembered this time,I'm so thankful for where we are today and were God has us going. I'm reposting this for you to remember the story of "winter" the dolphin I met while we were in FL, the one that I was glad I was wearing my sunglasses, cuz as the man told me her story I cried, well guess what??? They have made a movie about winter and it is coming out soon,isn't t that cool?, so blessed to have met this animal that made an impact on my life. Can't wait til it comes out!!!


But if you suffer for doing good and you endure it, this is commendable before God. To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps" 1 peter 2:20-21

Where do I begin, how do I fit all I have learned in a blog, I need a editor to put this into a book.
So I'll start with last Friday. We got the call that for sure Ariel was going to take the baby back, so I called Kay and asked if I could come say goodbye, she said "of course", after I hung up the phone Mason's school called they said he was in the nurses office crying, something about hitting his head (which he never did) I told the nurse that even though we had not sat down with him and told him that he would not be getting that little sister just yet, he still knew that we had been distant with him and he had seen mommy and daddy upset. I went and picked him up from school and together we went to see the baby. Jamie called and was heading to the gym, by now he had shut down, he did not want to say goodbye, to hard for him. I told him that we needed to get out of town, I checked airfares and found nothing. I looked at going to the Omaha zoo or to st.Louis for a long weekend, forecast to both....rain :( We would talk about it later when we both were home.
Mason and I got to Kay's and I got to snuggle on the baby for 2 hours, tell her that we loved her and that God would look after her. A lighthouse worker showed up and her eyes began to fill with tears, I told her she had to stop or mine would start flowing again, see we all know what life would be better for this little girl, but God has given us free will, so there fore we don't always make the best choices for ourselves. All we can do is pray.
We said our goodbyes and Mason and I started home. We had many phone calls and many I ignored (sorry) it is just to hard to re say over and over, I know that because of those calls you were just calling to say sorry and that really makes us feel loved, but on that day, really I wanted to crawl under a rock. My next two weeks were planned, sitting at home with my new daughter and having 2 baby showers to look forward too, clothes to be picked up at the cleaners for court the next day, everything was just like a train running over my heart. I pleaded with God, why would you cause us so much pain?? This hurts to much to bare, God had taken me to the edge that day and I did not know at the time weather to jump off the edge or fall back into his arms to catch me, see at the time, I wanted to jump.
As I was driving home my cell rang. It was a great friend on the other end, all she said was "how are you?" I said well it's been tough, just trying to put one foot in front of the other. she said ok, I told her that Jamie,Mason and I were going to meet at home pack a bag and get out of town, I also shared with her how it was rain everywhere we wanted to go, so we had not made a destination yet. She asked if she could call me back, and she did. On the line was her, me and her travel agent. She told the agent that she needed to get a trip booked for 3 to any place sunny.
The lady replied with "sounds great, when are we leaving?" umm today....lol
She probably thought we were nuts, but she did it, she put us on hold and began to work her magic (which was God working his) she came back and said "how about Florida?, Tampa area.
My friend said " well Shelley??" I said, looks like we are going to Florida. I ran into Mason's room and said "pack a swim suit we are going to the beach."
My friend then said I need a hotel too, right on the ocean, the travel agent had to pull some strings to get this one, it was the end of spring break in FL and most were booked,but she got us one, the Hilton. My friend then said charge this to my account and said Shelley I love you and will be praying for you, now go pack.
So we did, when I told Jamie we were leaving, he walked around in a zone for about 10 minutes with, ok, what do I do?. I had to coach him, shoes, sunscreen, underwear....
So we called my folks and they took us to the airport. We landed in FL about midnight on Friday, we went and rented a car and was on our way.
But, I saw a cute little African American girl, maybe 2. She was standing there with her mom and I immediately thought of what I thought was our little girl. I began to pray for her.
We made it to the hotel and crashed for the night.
That next morning I went out on our deck, which was on the ocean side, got my book by Sheila Walsh, told God he had to speak to me today and tell me, why us???
The next chapter in my book was "when we trust in what we cannot see" , I looked up said thank you and began to read.
I felt him there, saying "Im using you and I have pushed you to the edge, but I have offered a path for you to take, it won't be the easy one, but it's the one I know you'll choose, good and faithful servant.
I will take the hard road for you Lord I said, because you took the hard one for me.
When Mason and Jamie were awake we sun screened up grab some breakfast and hit the beach.
To get to the beach, we had to take a elevator down 3 flights and walk 100 feet, it was tough :)
We rented 2 chairs and Mason a boogie board,which I tried myself and found myself having child like fun with it.
I went with Mason while Jamie sat back and watched, we played in the sand,swam in the ocean, found seashells and buried each other in the sand. Jamie then offered to go play with Mason and I went back to my book. Next chapter "When we are changed by the faithfulness of others"
Sheila Walsh herself is a women to has changed others lives by telling her story, she suffers with depression and talks about it openly with women, telling them that it's ok to have to take her little blue pill everyday, God does not mind. but I also felt God telling me, that the crowd that Jamie and I have around us are watching, on lookers seeing what we may do in this situation we are in,
well here we are, still knowing that God's plan is better for us than we know.
The next chapter "when God seems so far away", yes I felt this on Thursday and Friday, I already shared with you how I was pleading with God where was he and why is he doing this to us?, I did not think I could handle this much.
See it makes me think of the day that Jesus took Journie from my arms to his. I thought that was a hard day,but for some reason I was so comforted by him that day, his presence was so close, and I knew that Journie was going to a home where she would be safe in his arms forever. I could not let go of the fact that, this baby was not going somewhere better, she would not have the life we could have gave her, I still do not know the answers to these questions and I may never know them.
I could not put my book down, I needed another word from him to live on the rest of the day, chapter 13, "when we share the heart of the Shepard " yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil" well folks good news to that verse. To have a shadow you must have light around it, so I'm living on the light around it, I have to focus here to stay and live, til I have another moment to come read again.
We enjoyed our time at the beach,went back to the room and shared between Jamie and I who had the worst burn :) Mason of course, was just black and I was jealous :)
We went and had a great dinner outside the beach at a place called Frenchy's rock away grill, Mason ate his weight in peel n' eat shrimp, I had a grouper sandwich and Jamie a blacken chicken sandwich, it was great. We stopped on the walk back to the hotel and bought a huge cookie and sat outside and ate it, Mason ate more than half, only because I was not fast enough to get to it. We walked and just enjoyed one another.
Over the few days, I would sit at the pool watch the children play, thank God for sunglasses, for at moments I would cry because I was thankful for the friend I have who sent us here to heal, at times I cried knowing that I really could fall back and he will catch me, at times I cried because I would wonder how different my life would be if I was at home with my daughter and not here in Fl., Lots of stuff to work out and go through, but he worked it all out for his good, it always does.
So, we continued to have a great time in FL, we went and saw a aquarium where they rescued hurt sea animals, one dolphin named winter was amazing, she was 3 months old and her tail got tangled in a fisherman's net, this facility took her in and watched after her, her tail was so damaged by the net that it began to fall off, she learned to swim like a fish in a back and forth motion not up and down like a traditional dolphin would swim. I got into a conversation with a man that worked there, who knew I must have been inspired by her story, not many folks were around and he let me go behind the ropes and look at her, her trainer was with her and she was working on strengthening her spine, a man who owned a prosthetic company made Winter a fake tail, it was made with fiber glass and silicon, this piece slipped onto her tail and she could then swim in a dolphin like swim, they say she wears it a couple hours a day to keep her spine strong, other wise she just swims like a fish, even him talking to me I was a little teary, he said" you know, just like any of us, when we are faced with a challenge in life, we can give up or we can become stronger." WOW, did he know I needed to hear that, thank you Lord for using a dolphin to get through this day. We had many things that God showed us and if I was not searching for him, I may have just missed them,
See friends..... it's what I don't want to miss that keeps us going, I don't want to miss God's blessing and therefore I don't want anything that's not God's will for us. I know that his timing is still perfect and I do not know that timing, it's not easy either, I have a closet full of little girl clothes that I'm dying to put on my little girl, so will I be patient? Yes, will I stop asking? NO!!
So on the plane ride home yesterday I finished my book, the last chapter " The adventure continues" is God not GOOD or what???
This adventure for us continues and thanking God for the water the sun and the sand, for this is the song I sing...

"My hope is built on nothing less,
than Jesus' blood and righteousness,
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
but wholly lean in Jesus' name,
on Christ , the solid rock, I stand
all other ground is sinking sand, all other ground is sinking sand.
Love you, keep praying for us :)