Thursday, June 30, 2011

My thoughts, my mind, His Word

We have been having a lot of meeting the last week about Peanut and her adoption coming up, this sets my mind a whirl. They come and tell us that Peanut's brother's father wants to adopt her too. They told us that because he has the boys , who are her half brothers (share the same mom) that he too will have preference because he is family, even though he is not even related to her. Put's a question mark in my mind for why, but I can't change that, it's the dfs system.
So the adoption specialist is here yesterday for over an hour telling us what will take place over the next 6 months.
They have to do a home study on this man , let's call him "Tim" . Homestudies take 3 month to do through dfs, but...... because Tim does not have a job or car and he lives at home with his mom and his boys he may not even qualify to get a home study done. This would be good for us, meaning they would set up a staffing and the only family in that staffing would be "US"
The earliest they can do a staffing if Tim is not involved is late September,after the staffing court usually moves quickly after that for a FINAL adoption. When I asked how fast, she said she did not know. We have never been worried about timing, lots of other people who are adopting have to wait while their child is in another foster home, and sometimes in another country. We are so blessed to have kept little "nutter butter" in our home, and to God all the glory for letting us have her while we are waiting.
If Tim meets the qualifications to have a home study, it will be 3 more months before they can even set up a staffing which could mean all this lasting until December or even into next year. This sets my mind racing, what if, what if, what if????
I have no idea how anyone with no faith could get through this, I know why other couples chose an adoption over seas, it may take a while, but none of this, but let me assure you, that this is the path Christ has set before us, we will praise him in this storm and give him thanks, for we know everything works out for his good.
I'm now going to let my human brain talk to you for a moment while I shed some tears and tell you, that I'm frustrated, my mind wonders all day and night when I can not sleep or focus on daily tasks, while if I'm not talking directly to God being right in front of his word reading it to get me through this, myself takes over and it breaks my heart to think of what could happen. The whole time I'm writing this tears stream down my cheeks as Peanut notices them, she brings me every toy in her toy box and says "there". The dogs are even in my lap and as I sniffle they look up at me with worry. So sweet that the Lord comforts me even in this time, monster trucks and baby dolls that are being given and these dogs who could not get any closer to me if they wanted to, I did not tell you that one of these dogs is my parents 80lb dog and she too is laying right beside me.Kinda sweet huh?
Ok, so I have gathered myself back together to tell you what HE has given me.
Yesterday he told me to get out of bed with awareness of his presence, that to give him the "what if such and such happens, can I handle it?", remember this is before our meeting.
He said the question is not if I can handle it but, to tell me that anything that occurs, I can handle with him, because we are in this together.
Today I woke up with my mind running, the to do list, the what if's again and how or what would I do, but I heard HIM say whisper my name, Jesus. So I did, with apologizing for my morning breath,I whispered "Jesus" I immedialty felt like I needed to give Jesus all my senses he has given us. I started with my eyes, dear heavenly Father, thank you for my eye sight, thank you for allowing me to see this earth you have created, for people who say they have never "seen the light", that they do not know, because no one has told them, how do they look around and wonder, how did all this get here?
The next was my smell, yesterday the foster mom of Tina brought me flowers, the scent is intoxicating. The scent of mason's hair, Peanut right out of the bath,coffee beans and I also love the smell of nature, the rain before it comes, lilacs are my favorite scent. When I walk by a lilac bush or tress, I want to just sit and let the breeze come as I can not get enough of that scent.
I go to my mouth, for I use to tasting and...... I like to eat, so all those fabulous foods we have, come on what's you favorite foods?, I can not narrate mine down to one,it depends on the day,sometimes it's a grilled hamburger with corn of the cob and fresh cold watermelon. Also a warm peach cobbler, the cobbler is warm so the ice cream melts just a little making it a little running, but no so soggy that it's a liquid. I know your hungry now, me too :)
I went from the taste to not a sense, but something I'm so thankful for, my voice. I use this for my opinion, I use this to speak on behalf of these motherless and fatherless children, but what I use it for that brings glory to my God, is praising his name in song. Anytime I ever need to be moved and feel the holy spirit I sing, I will go to you-tube, type in my favorite praise songs, stand wherever I may be and lift up our heavenly Father.
I also thanked him for my organs which allow me to live, my heart for letting it beat and thanking him for living inside of it.
When Mason first accepted Christ, he thought Jesus was really living in there, physically. He said "momma, how does Jesus fit in there?", my response, "he just does Mason, he's magical".
I thanked him for my sense of touch, that I could feel the kisses from my kids, and the warmth of my husbands arms while embracing in one of our many hugs we have a day, we are big huggers in our family. If you ever meet my grandma, she does not care who you are, if you walked in the door with one of us, your going to get a hug. Love that about her.
And the last on my list was my feet, I thanked him for leading my path, for putting my feet allows on solid ground, no matter how many times I fall and get brusied or cuts and scraps, lots of them I have perment scars for. I could not stop thinking about feet. The Lord gave me a vision of sitting at his feet, praising his name, I could not look up he was too bright to see. I knew I was at his feet. A bit if white cloth barley covered his toes, and gold rope was also dragging the floor, but what I was doing will never leave my mind, I was washing his feet with perfumed oil.
Luke 7:38 is now what is in my mind
"and as she stood behind him at his feet weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them"
Loved ones, at the end of this story Jesus forgives her of her sins, he tells her, "your faith is what has saved you, go in peace"
I am today believing this word, my faith is going to save me and for the rest of this day, I too will go in Peace.
Have a blessed day

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Today in my quiet time, God said to do stuff today without looking at a clock, or the time frame to get things done.
I did all day except for the time I needed to get home so Jamie could go personal train someone (he had the kids, while I was away at a funeral.)
Something at the funeral of my Great Uncle Kenny was spoken today, that I really liked and would like to share it with you.
It's a story about a older man.
The older man knew that his time was soon coming that his life here on earth would soon be gone and his life in Heaven with Jesus would soon be here. He contacted a local funeral home and told the man he wanted to start planning the funeral, the man of course was puzzled that before he was dead was planning this, but of course he agreed.
The man picked out his favorite songs to be played along with the color of his casket and his favorite suit that he should wear. As they were finishing up, he said. "Oh yes and place a fork in my hand when you prepare my body and even bury me with it"
The funeral home man made a awkward face and asked the old man, "sir can I ask you why you would like the fork placed in your hand?"
The old man nodded with a grin on his face, he said well I always remember going out to eat as a young child and at the time when the waitress came to take my plate , she always said. "Keep your fork."
I knew that when she said keep your fork that she meant something better was to come, that maybe a nice slice of deep dish apple pie was coming, or maybe a large piece of red velvet cake. Whatever it was it was always something I looked forward to.
So when people walk passed my casket and ask "why is he holding a fork?" just tell them, the best is yet to come.
Maybe Heaven does or does not have red velvet cake or deep dish apple pie, my thought is of course they do and it's calorie free.
I do know , that this world does keep time, sometimes things like babies growing too fast or vacation being over too soon, we think "time goes flies by"
Other, in times of loosing a loved one, or having your house taken by tornado can seem time is standing still.
In all of this God's timing is always perfect, he already has it all planned out, but no matter what it is, whether time flying by, or standing still, I too am keeping my fork for the best is yet to come.