Tuesday, December 20, 2011
I was in the middle of my quiet time today, when God spoke to me and told me to fill you in on his word today, you never know maybe it's what you need to hear right now.
Jamie has been applying for Police officer jobs for about 6 months or so. He has felt like the Lord wants him to make a career change. There is no reason for Jamie to want to be a cop, he just feels it in his heart. He has boldly done what the Father has asked him to do, regardless of the negative words that have come his way about changing jobs.
He has many test this week with a local police dept here,he was talking to one of the lieutenants earlier this week and telling him about the pay scale. While Jamie is in training he will be taking a large pay cut from what he makes at Fox 4, now I know that many people think it's not ok to talk about how much people make or the financial difficulties people have. It makes you feel sorry for those struggling, you are glad you can just walk away and know your bills are paid and you go about "your" life. I'm here to tell you what the Lord has said, because I was struggling the last couple days with holding onto "our" money. We tithe and we give to the moving forward budget, I buy things for the needy, we even adopted a girl in Africa to take care of her while she attends school. We could go out to eat when we want, with just a little savings we could go on a cruise or just have a mini vacation., but.....I started looking at the budget this week and starting to worry about money, how we would make it while Jamie was in school. I know it would be short lived, but yikes.
In God's word it tells us,
"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?"
Matthew 6:25-27 New International Version
how can I look at the word of God and not soak it in?, because the numbers are not adding up that's why,and we live in a world of keeping up with the jones', that's why.
Friends, this is our Heavenly Father's word, his promise to us, that no matter what, Phi.4:19 - God shall supply all your need according to His riches.his riches , not mine or yours!
So now that it has sunk in, here is what happen.
The day I was worrying, I opened our Bank account to see that I was paid $200 from my holiday lia sophia show. God was there, saying, SEE........
Then yesterday I was visiting with a friend via email, asking her budget questions, she is a numbers girl ;)
So, I'm starting to feel better, numbers will come and it will be tough, but finally I'm started to breathe a little easier and starting to lean back and feel God's presence. Today I open up my email, which has a daily devotional already sent. TITLE :LET MONEY GO.
HA!! ok, Lord thank you for slapping me in the face today, this am while I was praying I asked God to come closer to me than ever before, I could actually see the wrinkles in his hands today (yes he had wrinkles, maybe more creases than wrinkles ) LOL
I just prayed that he would speak to me today in his way and in his timing.
Good timing Lord and good subject.
So, as I finish up here. I know we are already onto another chapter on Faith.
Faith in Action 1 Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.
I hope this too has blessed you today as it has me.
Monday, November 21, 2011
God spoke to me today and I wanted to share with you.
Jamie for some time now has felt the Lord pushing him to re-direct his career. He has worked at fox 4 for 12 years, but the Lord has been tuggin' at his heart and felt the need to follow where God was leading him (good choice, always)
He has had a lot of interviews, all with police departments. He even flew to Texas, only for God to show him the answer to that was NO.
Makes me think how far will I travel if God told me to do so? How far would you? Would you pack up your family and leave if God boldly told you to do so? Well if you are wondering what we would do, of course we would!!! Any where Lord at anytime!
Jamie has not got the most positive responses from family when following this path, my mom said she felt bad when he came home from TX, knowing he got cut the 1st round. He did not even get through to the 2nd chance. My mom said, "Shelley, I feel bad, I prayed he would not get it"
Trust me, I'm confident if the Lord wanted Jamie to have that job, he would make a way.(song time) he will make a way, when there seems to be no way,he works in ways we can not see, he will make a way for me!
So today Jamie is in his 3rd interview with the Blue Springs Police Dept!!
I'm telling you all this now, knowing that he is in the interview, not that we don't think we need extra prayers for God's guidance, but because Jamie does not need any negative influence while entering into a job interview. He has had way too much of that.
He feels like even if God's answerer is no, this is what God is asking him to do, maybe having all the negative words and thoughts around him is also a test of faith. So, today I open my daily journal and this is what it says.
Leave the outcomes up to me. Follow me whereever I lead you, without worry and how it will turn out.Think of your life as an adventure, with Me as your guide and companion. Live in the now,concertration on staying in step with me. When our path leads to a cliff, be willing to climb it with my help. When we come to a resting place, take time refreshen in My presence. Enjoy the rhythm of life lived close to me. You already know the ultimate destination of your journey, your entrance into Heaven. So keep your focus on the path just before you, leaving the outcomes up to Me!!
Psalm 27:14 wait for the Lord, be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.
Good stuff. I'm so proud to be married to a man, who despite what other's think or say. He will choose God's way. Friends, it's the ONLY way!!
love you all,
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
In my last blog I shared with you how I pray every morning as my brain is barley awake. I have been doing that, but the last few days I have been forcing even the thoughts to pray. I'm not mad or have any negative thoughts, I think my mind has been on full force and as soon as my eyes pop open, my daily list starts going through my head. I know all of you know exactly how I feel. So, I'm praying but other earthly things are going on in the back round. Yesterday I apologised to the Lord. I told him I knew I was distracted and I wanted to focus on him, I even tried praying 3 or 4 times and every time, some list popped in my head "can't forget to make Mason a hair appt", don't forget the diaper bag today....I was frustrated with myself, for letting this "crap" get in the way of my pray time with the Lord. I was so busy at work yesterday I did not even get to open my daily devotional book, I mean come on it's one page to read and like 4 verses to look up.
When I read and look up those verses, I don't want to read it like a robot, I like to drink it in and focus on them for a moment. So I did not, so this am I made it a priority to read what he had to say to me. I thought, well I will go ahead and read yesterday's too, since I did not have time today.
Here is what is said.
DO NOT BE DISCOURAGED by the difficulty of keeping your focus on me. I know that in your heart's desire is to be aware of my presence continually. This is a lofty goal;you aim toward it but never fully achieve it in this life. Don't let feelings of failure weigh you down. Instead, try to see yourself the way I see you. First of all, I'm delighted by your deep desire to walk closely to me through your life. I'm pleased each time you initiate communication with me. In addition, I notice the progress you have made since you first resolved to live in my presence.
When you realize that your mind has wandered away from me, don't be alarmed or surprised. You live in a world that has been rigged to distract you.
Each time you plow your way through the massive distractions to communicate with me, you achieve a victory. Rejoice in these tiny triumphs, and they will increasingly light up your days.
I love it when God comes down, whispers right into your ear exactly what you need to hear. Thank you Lord for reminding me that you see me with your eyes, and yes Lord I do have the deepiest desire to walk closer to you. I want to do your will only, this earth and all the "stuff" in it gets in the way so many times. Won't you please fill me with your wisdom, please remind me to take quiet moments to reflect on you and your peace that you provide everytime I am in need. Lord I love you more than my words can express, I can only fathm how much you love us with your agape love, please bless all my friends and family , keep us healtly and safe as we journey through this day. In your name -Amen
Friday, October 28, 2011
When I see a beautiful sunset, I think him for the warmth of the sun, knowing he sent it to say good morning to me. Every time I see a rainbow I immediately think about his promise to Noah, that he will never flood the earth again. God speaks to us in so many different ways, we just have to be first, tuned into him and the Holy Spirit, and second not being so busy that we miss what he has sent us.
Everyday before I open my eyes, I tell the Lord to use me today. I ask him that I want to be the fruit at the end of the vine, shining for those who don't believe.
When I get to work I have a daily devotional that I do, usually just a page, I look up a few scriptures that are in the devotional. Throughout the day I try in my human way to stay connected to him,you know when you were younger and your mom told you to check in? She wanted you to call to make sure you were ok?. Back then we had to either be at someones house to call to check in , or have change for the $.35 it cost to use a pay phone. I think God is our Father asking us to do the same thing, best part no change and don't have to be at a friends house. We can call him up anytime and talk.
So yesterday when I awoke I said my same prayer as I rose out of bed, but since I was not at work I forgot to bring my devotional home. I did not even remember til God spoke to me this evening. I just went about my day running errands,cleaning the house, going to the store.
I did thank him when I went outside with the puppy, just thankful for the day with my kids and that I was not outside potty training this puppy in the SNOW! Other than that I was flying solo.
Well this is the part I get to tell you about God Speaking.
Jamie and Mason headed to his football practice and Marlie and I to the grocery store.
I was doing her WIC shopping. As a foster baby she gets WIC, all of our babies do. I think it's get that they help us out while caring for these little ones. I often say, she has felt like our own for so long, we should not qualify, but they just keep giving us the coupons. I also have mixed feelings when I go to the store to get these items. I know I can afford the foods, but you know you have judged someone with WIC, or maybe even felt sorry for them. They have to only get these certain items, they take a lot longer in line, cuz they have to scan every item sign for it...blah blah blah. I've seen a lady get all her WIC then buy with her own money beer and cigarettes. I judged her, why can't she put back that stuff and then she would have money to feed her own kids, right?
Well that was a long time ago and now I know who am I to judge her? Maybe her husband beats her, if she does not come home with those items? What if she has such a horrible life that a cigarette and a beer gets her through the day? I'm not her, I've never walked in her shoes, so now I just mind my own business!!
The looks you get while there is a long line behind you can feel like lasers in the back of your head. People are judging you most of the time. A lot of times I have Marlie and Mason who are great distractions, but sometimes not.
Well last night it was just Marlie and me (that's a book, right? LOL)
Marlie gets $6 worth of fruits and vegetables, if there is nothing fresh on sale I grab frozen, but a lot was on sale yesterday in the fresh section. So I have to use my math skills here, you can not go over the $6 for any reason. So I grab 2 pineapples which are $2 each, while standing there a lady comes up, she ask are these ripe. I said yes, they need to be eaten now, but I told her with my fruits and veggies that are going bad, I throw in my juicer and how much Marlie enjoys the juice from the juicer so much better that that store made stuff. She said, oh really, I have a juicer and have not used it in over a year. Thanks, you have motivated me to break it out and use it again. I encouraged her and told her how well I feel when I use it. We then separated and walked to different isles. I was then headed for the bananas, I can not just pick up a bundle, I have to weigh them and see how many I can get, well Marlie got 3 bananas. As I was weighing them a man with his little girl in the cart says to his little girl. Leila say hi to the little girl, speaking about Marlie. Marlie and Leila both were, hi, hi, hi , hi.....chatter chatter, who knows what they were saying. I then said, did you say her name was Leila? He said yes. I went on to tell him that name would always be special for us, for that was her name when she came into to our foster care. I told him we were adopting her and changed it to Marlie. He smiled and said that's a good name too. So not 5 minutes into my journey at the Price Chopper and I was about to cry, her name is Leila, they could have just walked on by and grabbed their bananas,but did not. God Speaking?, I think so.
Down every isle, my little wal mart greeter is saying, HI to every person she passes. If you did not hear her on the first HI,she gets louder and loUDER while waving now at you. HI HI (WAVE WAVE WAVE) All of them wave and day hi back while always smiling back at her, either a "how cute" or "she is so sweet". Maybe this time God is using her to brighten someone's day. Everyone she said hi to was not smiling til after she got their attention. Most of the trip was her waving, yelling HI, me making sure I got the right item on the list at the right weight, right brand, right everything.
We get over to the cheeses and there is Leila with her dad again. I said "Marlie look it's your friend Leila" she looks wave and says "Leila" or in her voice it was "Lay- wah"
We headed to the check out, where a young man checked us through while a older lady sacked our groceries. The man behind us in line immediately said "your little girl is the most beautiful little girl I have ever seen" I said thanks and I was signing all the paperwork as he rang up our items. A conversation was taking place between the man behind me in line, the cashier and the lady sacking the groceries. From the man in line, they all came to find out that she was our foster baby and that we were adopting her. The cashier next to us said, oh really?
So the whole front of the store is talking about Marlie now. How we got her, how are we foster parents, how can we say goodbye to some of the babies.....ect ect ect.
The sacker tells us she lived in 4 foster homes, before someone took her in to adopt her. The cashier next to me says she got pregnant at 15 and thought about adoption, her little girl is now 2, she is working full time and going to school part time to care for her little girl. The cashier is just amazed by all the stories and ask, what makes someone want to do something like this?
I said, my husband and I really feel like this is what God has asked us to do, this is our gift. The sackers jaw dropped, he smiled in recognition and the man behind us says, well that just great.
The cashier next to us smiles and nods. I go on to tell them that we adopted our son on Dec 24th and she would be adopted on Dec 22. Marlie is still at this time, charming everyone around her. The man behind me says, well she sure is a special little girl then. I said yes and started to push my cart to the exit. I make it all the way to the car load the groceries and sit down to start the car, while my eyes fill with tears, I know that God was all around us in the store, using us to share God's love. He showed me in every step of the store how he was setting it up. So as I finish up this blog, read through the words to this song, it talks about how God speaking came come from any where. Love you all !!
Have you ever heard a love song
That set your spirit free
Have you ever watched a sunrise
And felt you could not breathe
What if it's Him
What if it's God speaking
Have you ever cried a tear that
You could not explain
Have you ever met a stranger
That already knew your name
What if it's Him
What if it's God speaking
Who knows how He'll get a hold of us
Get our attention to prove He is enough
He'll do and He'll use
Whatever He wants to
To tell us I love you
Have you ever lost a loved one
Who you thought should still be here
Do you know what it feels like
To be tangled up in fear
What if He's somehow involved
What if He's speaking through it all
His ways are higher
His ways are better
Though sometimes strange
What could be stranger
Than God in a manger
God is speaking
I love you
Monday, October 17, 2011
Going through this the word says "that perseverance will bring character and integrity.”, not maybe the character God was hoping for....
We think that we are at the end of this journey, dfs told us we had just a few more forms to get filled out, a couple more visits and we even got a phone call from our lawyer that says we are on the court date for Nov 18th, to finalize this adoption!!
I know this is so 80's , but.............NOT!!
Jamie and I worked our tails off to get all the paper work signed. Marlie had to have a full health evaluation done. They wanted her to be seen for a well child check up as well as visit her neurologist to get a medical update. Well they gave us a whole 2 weeks to get this done, it is hard enough to get into a regular dr for a well check up, but they want us to see a neurologist "just because", sure I'm sure he will drop all his patience having seizures and with brain cancer to see us...again NOT. Her appt for them is November 30th.
I called her primary dr and told her that we were needing a dr note stating if they think she may be a medical baby or if she thinks she will be fine down the road. You see if they sign she is a medical baby, the state will provide us with any needs that may come arise in her near future, if they sign she is no longer a medical baby, they will not.
This dr said to come in and she would fill it out and sign it, she got us in her office in 3 days and sign the paper work the next day, thank you Dr Dean :)
Marlie has not been a patient of hers for long, so all she knows is by what she is seeing now, she said that Marlie is right on track for everything she needs to be doing, she even said her speech is 15 to 20 words above most children at that age, which we think is cute, cuz when she says funny things in her own way,it's hysterical. She says, tut shoes "cute shoes" and may men "amen", just sweet.
Anyways the dr signed for her to continue on the medical baby form, she not knowing what may come arise in her near future. This form is for 2 years, so after being evaluated after 2 years she can be taken off.
Dr.Dean says she does not want her to have the lable of a "drug exposed,fetal alcohol syndrome" if she does no longer have it. (now there is another miracle right there) I have a son who was born with fetal alcohol syndrome and is fine, thanks to prayer, now I have a daughter who is has healed too....thank you Jesus for your mercy and answer to prayer.
So, this paper work is signed and at the dr office on Tuesday, I called dfs on Tuesday and also emailed our worker the same day. No response, called and emailed everyone I knew on Wed, no response, on Thursday I got an email from what I thought was our worker, she forwarded the email onto the new worker and that she was no longer on this case.....ahhhgggg.
This worker called me on Friday, this is the day all our paper work has to be submitted to the state!!!
She calls me, we meet in a gas station parking lot to sign papers, Jamie meets her at her office after getting off work to sign the rest. Then I get the call that about sends me through the roof, she calls and tells me that all the paper work was suppose to be in Jeff city this day, not just mailed...WHAT?????
Ok, well my part has been done and taking care of since Monday, it could have been there by now, if you would have called me back! So she makes a few phone calls and says it can be there no later than Tuesday.
She knows regular mail won't make it, I said ok, let's over night it, "well we can do that , she says, but I can't pay for that, they wont reimburse me". I said I will pay for it , I just want it there on time!!
So, I go to the post office, pay 20 bucks for a few pieces of paper to be shipped to Jefferson City, when I hear what I can not believe. The worker tells me that they wanted a letter from the dr saying why they signed her as a medical baby. Did I hear her right? UMMM she signed it because you have been calling her a medical baby since she has been in dfs custody?, duh!
So no, there is not a letter from the dr in that packet. At this point, I'm about to explode, I let myself take over and not at all ask God for some help. I was "ON" as my sweet husband puts it.
So, when I finally threw my hands up in the air, with "well it's sent so if it all gets sent back and we have to do it all over again, I guess that is what we will do, (insert a big sigh here)
I was driving in my car headed home when my "revolve" cd was playing and on came Britt Nicole. I have heard and sang this song a million times, but it was today that while I sang it I cried,asking God to forgive me for letting my earthly body mind and voice take over. I will post the words below, but you won't get the true meaning unless you youtube it. Britt Nicole,"have it your way" I then right there, let it go. I surrender to the Lord this day, I sang to the Lord "have it your way" I know God has known the date of her adoption forever, so why am I worrying about it? Well, today I can tell you I'm not. He has got this as he has had all the other things, I have fully given him.
So what is it today that you need to give to him?, give it to him fully.Give it to him fully, know he is closer to you than the air you breathe. He has got you and your situation in the palm of your hand and in HIS timing he will show up and bless your socks off.
Feels like i`ve been here forever,
Why can`t you just intervene?
Do you see the tears keep falling?
And i`m falling apart at the seams.
But you never said the road would be easy,
But you said that you would never leave.
And you never promised that this life wasn`t hard,
But you promised you`d take care of me.
So I`ll stop searching for the answers,
I`ll stop praying for an escape,
And I`ll trust you,God, with where i am,
And believe that you will have your way.
Just have your way.
Just have your way.
When my friends and my family have left me,
And I feel so ashamed and so cold.
Remind me that you take broken things
And turn them into beautiful.
So I`ll stop searching for the answers,
I`ll stop praying for an escape,
And i`ll trust you, God, with where i am,
And believe that you`ll have your way.
Just have your way.
Just have your way.
Even if my dreams have died,
And even if i don`t survive,
I`ll still worship you with all my life.
And I`ll stop searching for the answers,
I`ll stop praying for an escape,
And i`ll trust you, God, with where i am,
And believe that you will have your way.
Just have your way.
Just have your way.
I know you will.
I won`t forget.
You love me.
Have your way.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
35 Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed. Mark 1:35
My quiet time is in the am, God always wakes me up at least 7 minutes before my alarm goes off. This has been happening for a long time now, and never fails I always know why he has woke me up earlier than I needed to get up, to talk to him. He knows what I'm going to say, because it is him whom I have asked what and who to pray for.
I love this time, it allows me to wake up. To start my day off knowing that I have given my prayers to the Lord and it reminds me to pray, speaking of reminding me to pray , here is something that is annoying.......no, not God waking me up before the alarm, that is a blessing.
For as long as I can remember when we have a mission team go out our church passes out bracelets with names of the folks who are going on the trip, we wear these bracelets on our wrist and it reminds us to pray for them. Now for a girl who sells jewelry I always have on a bracelet or watch, some kind of accessory.
Well when I get one of these bracelets, it never fails that it has some sharp edge that pokes me, at first I thought how annoying it was and it was not only bugging me, but scratching my wrist, I told a friend I was going to scar from all these bracelets I wear. Then of course God slaps me in the face with, I'm making that bracelet bug you so you will remember to pray for this person. He also tells me, that it is him that wears the permanent scar for all of us, that he sent his son to die on the cross and the scars on his hands and feet should be our daily reminder that we are forgiven forever, that whatever you have labeled yourself. thief, liar,murder,adulterer,abuser, whatever it is. If you have asked him to forgive you of those sins, that you no longer are that name. He does not even know what you are talking about, you are clean and pure, you are now his forever!! Amazing isn't is? That just makes my heart wanna sing!!
Well this was not an adoption post, but something the Lord placed on my heart, so go now children in forgiveness and be FREE :)
Monday, September 12, 2011
Friday we got up and were ready for our "staffing" the meeting was not til 1 o'clock so we had lots of time to ....worry...LOL
I did not worry actually, I was calm and ready to go, Jamie was nervous and said his stomach was a little unsettled. When we got to our destination, we were the first ones there, we had no idea where to go or in that matter who would be attending this meeting. We saw our licensing worker and let out a sigh of relief, a familiar face was a good one to see, she lead us back to the conference room and one by one people came into this meeting, I have to spare you all the details of what was said inside the meeting for it is strictly confidential and I do not want to mess things up now!!
We were told to expect to be there a min of 2 hours and we were only there for 45 minutes. With time to spare Jamie and I decided to go for a cup of coffee, he said "when will they call to let us know if we have been chose?, a week or two?" I said "oh, no they said they would let us know by the end of the day"
We were just getting into conversation when my phone rang, it was a number I did not recognize. I raised my eyebrows to my husband as if "maybe this is them??"
As I hung up, he said "well?" They picked us I said!! Trying not to cry while sitting at the krispy kreme donut shop was a little hard, but in my heart we already knew that God had chosen us to be her mom and dad and her BIG BROTHER :)
I told Jamie ok who do we call before we post it on FB. We made a few phone calls and sent some text before posting.
So we only have one more court date to finalize her adoption, this will allow us to legally change her name and get a new birth certificate. Lots of you have already been calling her Marlie, which I love!!
Makes me think of how much I love her name, it's Marlie Claire McCain, Marlie was the name Jamie picked out. I wanted her middle name to be my grandmother's name. Her name is Claire, my grandmother passed away when I was little and I don't remember her. My mom's side of the family says I look a lot like her, long legs ,torso and we have the same smile. Kinda makes me tear up, knowing my little girl carries the same name of a lady who I resemble. I'm sure she would be thrilled that she is caring her name.
We have a run that we are planning soon, we will have t-shirts, so if you want one let me know. you don't have to be in the run to get a t-shirt, it can just be a reminder that every time you put it on to pray for our little girl. I'm not sure on the cost yet, we have to get them priced. I will keep you updated on this. The
t-shirt sales is not for making a profit, just for fun kinda thing.
We also will be doing our worship and celebration once we find out her final court date, You read about that if you read my last post.Like I said we will keep you updated as we find out more info, thanks for praying and please continue to do so.
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Here is the update first.
We were told that our staffing would be on October 17, a staffing again if you forgot is where normally the case workers and all others that are affiliated with this case, go out and scout for families who might be interested in adopting the child. They will go through many files looking for about 5 families to look at in the possibility to adopt the child. After they find about 5 families all these people meet with the families one by one ask them questions, look through photo books and just try and get to know them, then the staff meet all alone and pick a family to adopt the child. This is how a normal staffing looks.
Well in our case Peanut has been in our care long enough that no other families will be brought to the staffing, it will just be us, now there is always a small chance that they meet with us and think we are not right for her and then decide to do another staffing to find her the right family. I know you are thinking .... "are you kidding me??".....LOL
My thought is if she has lived in our home for 16 months and you do not think she is right for us, then you should have found her another foster home a long time ago. Anyways, that's just my defense mechanism coming out.
You know the game you use to play as a child, where you all sit in a circle and one person says a secret and then you pass the secret til it gets to the end? We use to call it telephone, some call it other things. Well God and I have had a secret for awhile that she is a McCain, we are just waiting for the whole circle to hear before we shout out the message ;)
Well we got a phone call the other day from the adoption worker, she has spoke with us one other time and knew we wished for an earlier adoption staffing, but things get crazy in the summer and they were backed up. So we were surprised to hear from her so early, but she came with good news, remember when Mason was suppose to be adopted in January and God moved it up to Christmas day, that was cool huh?
Well God moved this day up to, we now have a staffing on Sept 9th !!!! We arrive at 1 pm to start our staffing meeting, at the end of the day we will know weather they have chosen us to adopt her or if they need to seek another family for her. If they choose us, then it is mandatory that we have our court hearing for her FINAL adoption 45 days from Sept 9th, doing the math right now are you??
Well let me stop all that and tell you that God willing little Peanut will finally have the last name McCain by the 24th of October!! WOO HOO.
So here is the part that God has been deeply working in me, it was a hot summer day in July when we asked many friends and family to join us at the church for a benefit concert to help support us in this journey we have fully taken on. We sang songs and gave testimonies, it was a wonderful night, well God has been stiring all those emotions back up again, when I tried to suppress them, he said, "well....don't you want to finish the story? don't you want to tell them how it ends?" I, of course agreed with him and asked him to pour into me the revelation so I too could see his future plans. He does not want this to be a benefit concert, there is nothing to raise money for this time, this is to worship, this is to thank him out loud. At the end of my testimony last year I told you all that Jamie and I have been running physically, that we had already been injured and dehydrated, that we know this is a race the Lord has asked us to run, I boldly again tell you as I did that night, that we will finish this race with our arms raised in a V, for we are going to finish this race in VICTORY!! Jamie and I have decided that we will be doing a run soon, maybe at bass pro shop or maybe just down Adams dairy parkway. We will make t-shirts if you want to purchase one, it again won't be to make money, just a opportunity to purchase one if you would like, but the big event will be held at church, after we see when our adoption date is we will announce it to you all, tell everyone you know, bring them to FBC that day come to celebrate with us, we will be just praising God and I will be telling the story of how we finished the race :)
After the worship concert we will head down stairs for a little sweet fellowship. I picture crystal and glass jars filled with candy, for this will be one sweet moment. Instead of doing any kind of baby shower, this will be our big celebration of little nutter butter becoming Marlie Claire McCain.
Can't wait for this glorious day....It's getting closer believe it's coming.
Love you all
Monday, July 25, 2011
This weekend Mason and I went on a great float trip with some friends, we had a wonderful time. Floating down the river looking up at the trees and all God's creation was amazing. Today when I opened up my "Jesus Calling " book it read about his love call to us, he talks about the birds and how they call to one another, in the same way he calls to us, it may be through the birds or even through a thought or a sound. I loved the sound of all the bugs at night, it made me feel at peace.
He also says there is no limit to the way he may communicate to us, but one thing I know for sure, you have to be listening and giving the time to him so he can speak to you. Mason sometimes talks non stop and Jamie and I will have to tell him to be quiet so he can hear what we are saying, I feel the Lord sometimes saying that. We tell him over and over, Lord have all of me, the answer is yes, now what is the question?, but really are we or are we so wrapped up in our earthly lives that we forget to daily seek him and follow his voice, believe me he is interested in even what your choice for supper is, you did remember to invite him, didn't you?
He says that when the birds are calling you can find him, but also in hard times like grief too. He takes the torn tavern tapestry of our lives and makes this beautiful pattern for nothing but good.
Last night I was happy when Mason was praying and remembered to pray for court today, he ask "and dear Lord, please let us keep Peanut forever, she is the best sister"
as well as I liked the prayer and for sure agreed with him, I worried as I always do the night before court, I did pray that her mom would have the same heart and she did last time we met, but I also worried and satan knew that I was unsettled about it, so he chose to attack me. Now there have been times I have felt him near and I have had to command him to leave in the name of my savior Jesus Christ, but he attacked me in my sleep. As I was drifting off to sleep I felt sick, like feverish, I was freezing and I could not get comfortable, I tossed and turned and had felt kinda like I was coming down with the flu. I tried to convince myself I was just dehydrated from a long trip, or maybe just tired from not sleeping well, the thought even came to me that maybe I even got something from being on that trip. It was crazy and I finally drifted off to sleep, which was BAD. I have never been more terrified in all my life when I awoke. I know I was dreaming, but it felt so real. Satan was attacking me and I could not get away from him, with all my heart I was trying to say "In the name of Jesus Christ, the man that shed his blood on the cross for my sins, I command you to flee!!!!", but I could not, I could not speak, I could not get it out, I was terrified that I was stuck with him attacking me. Oh my gosh telling you makes my heart speed up, when I awoke my clothes were soaked from sweat, I of course could not go back to sleep , I was even too terrified to move. I prayed over and over for God to come cover me with peace, which I did get, but it took awhile for me to calm down. This was much worse than any panic attack I have ever had. I say all this because Satan can attack you at any moment, I had a friend once ask if I really believed that satan could interfere with a job opportunity, the answer is YES!! Did I mention that when I woke up today I was hoarse? My voice has returned a small bit, but you know when you have lost your voice and it hurts to talk ?, I have that now.
I woke up feeling tired and not well, I forced myself to eat something and began to get ready for court. I read my Jesus calling book, looked up some scripture and jumped in the shower. I still did not feel at peace. So while Jamie was getting ready I just met the Lord in my kitchen, I was crying asking him for some peace that I knew that could only come from him, I listen to the song that Jamie's cousin Heather posted, it gave me some relief. While we traveled to pick up my mom I felt still, just kinda ill. I wanted to go to court refreshed and ready, but I was lacking some confidence. Once my mom got in the car Mason began to talk all about his great time on our float trip and the tension eased. I finally felt safe and found joy in the stories Mason was telling, by the time we arrived I felt almost normal, except my tired voice box.
My mom sat in the play area with the kids while Jamie and I headed into the court room, Jamie and I laughed as we could never work there, it's old and smells funny, the lighting is enough to give you a migraine. We sat down in the back of the court room like always and Peanuts mom caught my eye as I was walking in, I grinned at her the best I could , knowing what I was pretty sure her future held this day. She smiled back a half grin and the judge then called her to the stand. I could not see her mom, for there was a lawyer in the way, but she answered all the questioned they asked her and there was one I won't forget. They said ( I'm going to use Sarah as her name) Sarah- "do you agree that the best interest for your daughter is to live with the foster family?", she said "you mean Jamie and Shelley?, as she peeked past the lawyers head to make eye contact with us, almost in a way of , of course I know them and she does not call us "the foster family", but by first names. She then agreed that she wanted her daughter to live with us and allow us to adopt her baby girl. The judge by law has to tell Sarah, that if something were to happen to us and that we could not follow through with the adoption that she would still be adopted out and she would not get her rights back, Sarah looked at the judge and said, I want them to have her, no body else. The judge said, I understand what you are saying, but do you understand that sometimes things happen and that she could possibly go somewhere else?, she was not ok with it, but knew she could not keep her no matter what. The judge did tell her the interest of the court was for us to get to adopt her, but......
She then agreed to sign over her rights on the court document right then and there. Then we were scared that Peanuts half brother's dad may come into play, but it did not, they dismissed him from the case and will not be considered as a adoptive resource.
The judge dismissed Sarah from the stand and as she began to sit back down I could hear her begin to cry, she knew what she had done and as much as it hurt she was doing the right thing.
Court was dismissed and all parties began to exit the court room. I walked over to Sarah who was still weeping and I touched her back, she reached her arms out for a hug, wrapped around me as if I was the only thing holding her up I told her that I was so proud of her and she whispered in my ear"please don't let them take her from you" I told her that we would do all that was in our power to fight for her, that I did not think she had anything to worry about, that all was going in a good direction and not to worry. I told her to take care of herself and to get clean. (She has been clean for 7 days today)
We said our good byes and I headed to the restroom, as I was trying to pull it together I heard the door open and also hear someone crying, when I opened the bathroom door, it was Peanuts mom, we talked for a moment, while we sniffled and wiped eyes over and over. As I reached for the door to leave, she asked if I would do her one favor?, I said" sure" she said " will you tell her I love her?", I smiled and said "always"
Her mom is now done with court dates and we will not see her anymore, we are now just waiting for some more court dates to come and go , we are not sure the time frame of this. We will for sure keep you up to date on what happens so you can all join in this celebration when we finally can call her a McCain!!
Sunday, July 17, 2011
But if you suffer for doing good and you endure it, this is commendable before God. To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps" 1 peter 2:20-21
Where do I begin, how do I fit all I have learned in a blog, I need a editor to put this into a book.
So I'll start with last Friday. We got the call that for sure Ariel was going to take the baby back, so I called Kay and asked if I could come say goodbye, she said "of course", after I hung up the phone Mason's school called they said he was in the nurses office crying, something about hitting his head (which he never did) I told the nurse that even though we had not sat down with him and told him that he would not be getting that little sister just yet, he still knew that we had been distant with him and he had seen mommy and daddy upset. I went and picked him up from school and together we went to see the baby. Jamie called and was heading to the gym, by now he had shut down, he did not want to say goodbye, to hard for him. I told him that we needed to get out of town, I checked airfares and found nothing. I looked at going to the Omaha zoo or to st.Louis for a long weekend, forecast to both....rain :( We would talk about it later when we both were home.
Mason and I got to Kay's and I got to snuggle on the baby for 2 hours, tell her that we loved her and that God would look after her. A lighthouse worker showed up and her eyes began to fill with tears, I told her she had to stop or mine would start flowing again, see we all know what life would be better for this little girl, but God has given us free will, so there fore we don't always make the best choices for ourselves. All we can do is pray.
We said our goodbyes and Mason and I started home. We had many phone calls and many I ignored (sorry) it is just to hard to re say over and over, I know that because of those calls you were just calling to say sorry and that really makes us feel loved, but on that day, really I wanted to crawl under a rock. My next two weeks were planned, sitting at home with my new daughter and having 2 baby showers to look forward too, clothes to be picked up at the cleaners for court the next day, everything was just like a train running over my heart. I pleaded with God, why would you cause us so much pain?? This hurts to much to bare, God had taken me to the edge that day and I did not know at the time weather to jump off the edge or fall back into his arms to catch me, see at the time, I wanted to jump.
As I was driving home my cell rang. It was a great friend on the other end, all she said was "how are you?" I said well it's been tough, just trying to put one foot in front of the other. she said ok, I told her that Jamie,Mason and I were going to meet at home pack a bag and get out of town, I also shared with her how it was rain everywhere we wanted to go, so we had not made a destination yet. She asked if she could call me back, and she did. On the line was her, me and her travel agent. She told the agent that she needed to get a trip booked for 3 to any place sunny.
The lady replied with "sounds great, when are we leaving?" umm today....lol
She probably thought we were nuts, but she did it, she put us on hold and began to work her magic (which was God working his) she came back and said "how about Florida?, Tampa area.
My friend said " well Shelley??" I said, looks like we are going to Florida. I ran into Mason's room and said "pack a swim suit we are going to the beach."
My friend then said I need a hotel too, right on the ocean, the travel agent had to pull some strings to get this one, it was the end of spring break in FL and most were booked,but she got us one, the Hilton. My friend then said charge this to my account and said Shelley I love you and will be praying for you, now go pack.
So we did, when I told Jamie we were leaving, he walked around in a zone for about 10 minutes with, ok, what do I do?. I had to coach him, shoes, sunscreen, underwear....
So we called my folks and they took us to the airport. We landed in FL about midnight on Friday, we went and rented a car and was on our way.
But, I saw a cute little African American girl, maybe 2. She was standing there with her mom and I immediately thought of what I thought was our little girl. I began to pray for her.
We made it to the hotel and crashed for the night.
That next morning I went out on our deck, which was on the ocean side, got my book by Sheila Walsh, told God he had to speak to me today and tell me, why us???
The next chapter in my book was "when we trust in what we cannot see" , I looked up said thank you and began to read.
I felt him there, saying "Im using you and I have pushed you to the edge, but I have offered a path for you to take, it won't be the easy one, but it's the one I know you'll choose, good and faithful servant.
I will take the hard road for you Lord I said, because you took the hard one for me.
When Mason and Jamie were awake we sun screened up grab some breakfast and hit the beach.
To get to the beach, we had to take a elevator down 3 flights and walk 100 feet, it was tough :)
We rented 2 chairs and Mason a boogie board,which I tried myself and found myself having child like fun with it.
I went with Mason while Jamie sat back and watched, we played in the sand,swam in the ocean, found seashells and buried each other in the sand. Jamie then offered to go play with Mason and I went back to my book. Next chapter "When we are changed by the faithfulness of others"
Sheila Walsh herself is a women to has changed others lives by telling her story, she suffers with depression and talks about it openly with women, telling them that it's ok to have to take her little blue pill everyday, God does not mind. but I also felt God telling me, that the crowd that Jamie and I have around us are watching, on lookers seeing what we may do in this situation we are in,
well here we are, still knowing that God's plan is better for us than we know.
The next chapter "when God seems so far away", yes I felt this on Thursday and Friday, I already shared with you how I was pleading with God where was he and why is he doing this to us?, I did not think I could handle this much.
See it makes me think of the day that Jesus took Journie from my arms to his. I thought that was a hard day,but for some reason I was so comforted by him that day, his presence was so close, and I knew that Journie was going to a home where she would be safe in his arms forever. I could not let go of the fact that, this baby was not going somewhere better, she would not have the life we could have gave her, I still do not know the answers to these questions and I may never know them.
I could not put my book down, I needed another word from him to live on the rest of the day, chapter 13, "when we share the heart of the Shepard " yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil" well folks good news to that verse. To have a shadow you must have light around it, so I'm living on the light around it, I have to focus here to stay and live, til I have another moment to come read again.
We enjoyed our time at the beach,went back to the room and shared between Jamie and I who had the worst burn :) Mason of course, was just black and I was jealous :)
We went and had a great dinner outside the beach at a place called Frenchy's rock away grill, Mason ate his weight in peel n' eat shrimp, I had a grouper sandwich and Jamie a blacken chicken sandwich, it was great. We stopped on the walk back to the hotel and bought a huge cookie and sat outside and ate it, Mason ate more than half, only because I was not fast enough to get to it. We walked and just enjoyed one another.
Over the few days, I would sit at the pool watch the children play, thank God for sunglasses, for at moments I would cry because I was thankful for the friend I have who sent us here to heal, at times I cried knowing that I really could fall back and he will catch me, at times I cried because I would wonder how different my life would be if I was at home with my daughter and not here in Fl., Lots of stuff to work out and go through, but he worked it all out for his good, it always does.
So, we continued to have a great time in FL, we went and saw a aquarium where they rescued hurt sea animals, one dolphin named winter was amazing, she was 3 months old and her tail got tangled in a fisherman's net, this facility took her in and watched after her, her tail was so damaged by the net that it began to fall off, she learned to swim like a fish in a back and forth motion not up and down like a traditional dolphin would swim. I got into a conversation with a man that worked there, who knew I must have been inspired by her story, not many folks were around and he let me go behind the ropes and look at her, her trainer was with her and she was working on strengthening her spine, a man who owned a prosthetic company made Winter a fake tail, it was made with fiber glass and silicon, this piece slipped onto her tail and she could then swim in a dolphin like swim, they say she wears it a couple hours a day to keep her spine strong, other wise she just swims like a fish, even him talking to me I was a little teary, he said" you know, just like any of us, when we are faced with a challenge in life, we can give up or we can become stronger." WOW, did he know I needed to hear that, thank you Lord for using a dolphin to get through this day. We had many things that God showed us and if I was not searching for him, I may have just missed them,
See friends..... it's what I don't want to miss that keeps us going, I don't want to miss God's blessing and therefore I don't want anything that's not God's will for us. I know that his timing is still perfect and I do not know that timing, it's not easy either, I have a closet full of little girl clothes that I'm dying to put on my little girl, so will I be patient? Yes, will I stop asking? NO!!
So on the plane ride home yesterday I finished my book, the last chapter " The adventure continues" is God not GOOD or what???
This adventure for us continues and thanking God for the water the sun and the sand, for this is the song I sing...
"My hope is built on nothing less,
than Jesus' blood and righteousness,
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
but wholly lean in Jesus' name,
on Christ , the solid rock, I stand
all other ground is sinking sand, all other ground is sinking sand.
Love you, keep praying for us :)
Thursday, June 30, 2011
We have been having a lot of meeting the last week about Peanut and her adoption coming up, this sets my mind a whirl. They come and tell us that Peanut's brother's father wants to adopt her too. They told us that because he has the boys , who are her half brothers (share the same mom) that he too will have preference because he is family, even though he is not even related to her. Put's a question mark in my mind for why, but I can't change that, it's the dfs system.
So the adoption specialist is here yesterday for over an hour telling us what will take place over the next 6 months.
They have to do a home study on this man , let's call him "Tim" . Homestudies take 3 month to do through dfs, but...... because Tim does not have a job or car and he lives at home with his mom and his boys he may not even qualify to get a home study done. This would be good for us, meaning they would set up a staffing and the only family in that staffing would be "US"
The earliest they can do a staffing if Tim is not involved is late September,after the staffing court usually moves quickly after that for a FINAL adoption. When I asked how fast, she said she did not know. We have never been worried about timing, lots of other people who are adopting have to wait while their child is in another foster home, and sometimes in another country. We are so blessed to have kept little "nutter butter" in our home, and to God all the glory for letting us have her while we are waiting.
If Tim meets the qualifications to have a home study, it will be 3 more months before they can even set up a staffing which could mean all this lasting until December or even into next year. This sets my mind racing, what if, what if, what if????
I have no idea how anyone with no faith could get through this, I know why other couples chose an adoption over seas, it may take a while, but none of this, but let me assure you, that this is the path Christ has set before us, we will praise him in this storm and give him thanks, for we know everything works out for his good.
I'm now going to let my human brain talk to you for a moment while I shed some tears and tell you, that I'm frustrated, my mind wonders all day and night when I can not sleep or focus on daily tasks, while if I'm not talking directly to God being right in front of his word reading it to get me through this, myself takes over and it breaks my heart to think of what could happen. The whole time I'm writing this tears stream down my cheeks as Peanut notices them, she brings me every toy in her toy box and says "there". The dogs are even in my lap and as I sniffle they look up at me with worry. So sweet that the Lord comforts me even in this time, monster trucks and baby dolls that are being given and these dogs who could not get any closer to me if they wanted to, I did not tell you that one of these dogs is my parents 80lb dog and she too is laying right beside me.Kinda sweet huh?
Ok, so I have gathered myself back together to tell you what HE has given me.
Yesterday he told me to get out of bed with awareness of his presence, that to give him the "what if such and such happens, can I handle it?", remember this is before our meeting.
He said the question is not if I can handle it but, to tell me that anything that occurs, I can handle with him, because we are in this together.
Today I woke up with my mind running, the to do list, the what if's again and how or what would I do, but I heard HIM say whisper my name, Jesus. So I did, with apologizing for my morning breath,I whispered "Jesus" I immedialty felt like I needed to give Jesus all my senses he has given us. I started with my eyes, dear heavenly Father, thank you for my eye sight, thank you for allowing me to see this earth you have created, for people who say they have never "seen the light", that they do not know, because no one has told them, how do they look around and wonder, how did all this get here?
The next was my smell, yesterday the foster mom of Tina brought me flowers, the scent is intoxicating. The scent of mason's hair, Peanut right out of the bath,coffee beans and I also love the smell of nature, the rain before it comes, lilacs are my favorite scent. When I walk by a lilac bush or tress, I want to just sit and let the breeze come as I can not get enough of that scent.
I go to my mouth, for I use to tasting and...... I like to eat, so all those fabulous foods we have, come on what's you favorite foods?, I can not narrate mine down to one,it depends on the day,sometimes it's a grilled hamburger with corn of the cob and fresh cold watermelon. Also a warm peach cobbler, the cobbler is warm so the ice cream melts just a little making it a little running, but no so soggy that it's a liquid. I know your hungry now, me too :)
I went from the taste to not a sense, but something I'm so thankful for, my voice. I use this for my opinion, I use this to speak on behalf of these motherless and fatherless children, but what I use it for that brings glory to my God, is praising his name in song. Anytime I ever need to be moved and feel the holy spirit I sing, I will go to you-tube, type in my favorite praise songs, stand wherever I may be and lift up our heavenly Father.
I also thanked him for my organs which allow me to live, my heart for letting it beat and thanking him for living inside of it.
When Mason first accepted Christ, he thought Jesus was really living in there, physically. He said "momma, how does Jesus fit in there?", my response, "he just does Mason, he's magical".
I thanked him for my sense of touch, that I could feel the kisses from my kids, and the warmth of my husbands arms while embracing in one of our many hugs we have a day, we are big huggers in our family. If you ever meet my grandma, she does not care who you are, if you walked in the door with one of us, your going to get a hug. Love that about her.
And the last on my list was my feet, I thanked him for leading my path, for putting my feet allows on solid ground, no matter how many times I fall and get brusied or cuts and scraps, lots of them I have perment scars for. I could not stop thinking about feet. The Lord gave me a vision of sitting at his feet, praising his name, I could not look up he was too bright to see. I knew I was at his feet. A bit if white cloth barley covered his toes, and gold rope was also dragging the floor, but what I was doing will never leave my mind, I was washing his feet with perfumed oil.
Luke 7:38 is now what is in my mind
"and as she stood behind him at his feet weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them"
Loved ones, at the end of this story Jesus forgives her of her sins, he tells her, "your faith is what has saved you, go in peace"
I am today believing this word, my faith is going to save me and for the rest of this day, I too will go in Peace.
Have a blessed day
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
I did all day except for the time I needed to get home so Jamie could go personal train someone (he had the kids, while I was away at a funeral.)
Something at the funeral of my Great Uncle Kenny was spoken today, that I really liked and would like to share it with you.
It's a story about a older man.
The older man knew that his time was soon coming that his life here on earth would soon be gone and his life in Heaven with Jesus would soon be here. He contacted a local funeral home and told the man he wanted to start planning the funeral, the man of course was puzzled that before he was dead was planning this, but of course he agreed.
The man picked out his favorite songs to be played along with the color of his casket and his favorite suit that he should wear. As they were finishing up, he said. "Oh yes and place a fork in my hand when you prepare my body and even bury me with it"
The funeral home man made a awkward face and asked the old man, "sir can I ask you why you would like the fork placed in your hand?"
The old man nodded with a grin on his face, he said well I always remember going out to eat as a young child and at the time when the waitress came to take my plate , she always said. "Keep your fork."
I knew that when she said keep your fork that she meant something better was to come, that maybe a nice slice of deep dish apple pie was coming, or maybe a large piece of red velvet cake. Whatever it was it was always something I looked forward to.
So when people walk passed my casket and ask "why is he holding a fork?" just tell them, the best is yet to come.
Maybe Heaven does or does not have red velvet cake or deep dish apple pie, my thought is of course they do and it's calorie free.
I do know , that this world does keep time, sometimes things like babies growing too fast or vacation being over too soon, we think "time goes flies by"
Other, in times of loosing a loved one, or having your house taken by tornado can seem time is standing still.
In all of this God's timing is always perfect, he already has it all planned out, but no matter what it is, whether time flying by, or standing still, I too am keeping my fork for the best is yet to come.
Friday, May 20, 2011
Everyday I read them, its about a paragraph each and just gets my day started with God's word, some-days I just read them and ponder on what God is saying to me and other days, well it slaps me in the face.
Yesterday I was reading one and this is what it said.
"as the Heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts" Isaiah 55:8-9
I read it and thought, well yep I know that, opened the next devotional and read it, this is what it said......
the challenge for you today is to trust me and search for my way everyday, it also said that understanding my will and the future for my life is failure, We will ALWAYS fall short of God, only he knows the best for us, then ended with......."for my thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways my ways, says the Lord.
"For as the Heavens are higher than the Earth, so my higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts"
So of course it caught my attention because two different books, that have nothing to do with one another, are saying the same verse on the same day, so I prayed about it asked God to use me as his vessel that day and to use the words he spoke to me in the day, well he didn't.
I was not upset I know Gods timing is always perfect and knew it would come someday.
Today was our meeting, its called a mediation meeting. The meeting is for us to decide and be asked if Peanut's mom can have any contact with her knowing that her rights are being taken away, you have to first know that the only time we have seen her Mother was in court, when she was mad and usually yelling the the court system and always defending herself.
So today, sitting at this table that was very small in a very small room, there was only Jamie and I, the mediator and her birth mom in the room, by conference call was the lawyer that speaks on Peanuts behalf and a supervisor also who was on by conference call.
I was not sure what to expect from mom, thought she would come in mad, but I just prayed the whole time as we sat waiting for her to come into the room, my prayer "Dear Heavenly Father, please give me the words and wisdom to speak, please Lord meet us here in this room , I give you my anxiety and worries right now, please let me be you right now, hide us behind your cross, let us love on this women as you do, break my heart Lord for what breaks yours, all of this for your Glory, Amen."
So we started the meeting with the 2 ladies on the phone telling the history of the Peanuts birth-mom , how she has done nothing that the courts have asked.
We said nothing, and mom was not angry, she seemed almost embarrassed.
Then we all began to talk about Peanuts future, the mediator asked her mom, what she wanted for her daughter, she said she wanted nothing but the best for her daughter, and she knows that she does not want her to have the life that she has had. She was afraid that if she had her in her care now, that the cycle would repeat itself and that she would never want that for her daughter. She told everyone in the room that she was thankful for Jamie and I, that she had nothing against us, she said she knows there is bad foster parents out there that do not care about the foster kids, and she can tell that we love her daughter.
Her birth mom asked us what we would say about her if she decided to let us adopt her, what would we say about her mom when she got older and asked , we told her that we would tell her that her mom her mom loved her so much that she did the best thing for her child and gave her up for adoption, knowing that we could give her a better life.
Tears began to roll down her cheeks and then mine as my heart broke for her, she was realizing this was the better choice, God was letting me feel what she was feeling, at first it was failure as a mother and now it was courage to do the right thing.
She said I don't know this family well, only seen them at the court hearings, but I can tell they will take care of her, then she looked deep into my eyes and asked, "please you won't let anything bad happen to her, will you?"
I told her that we already loved her as our own and I would protect her as best as I could.
The mediator at that time, asked her mom "are you saying that you would like to let them adopt her?" She began to cry and said "yes"
So of course I began to cry and then the mediator began to cry, she told us she was breaking all the rules letting herself cry too, birth mom had to excuse herself from the room for a moment to compose herself, Jamie and I just sat in the room in silence except for a few sniffles for the tears that would not stop coming.
This lady who for 16 months who has fought the system the whole way, is now willing to let us adopt her daughter, only God, only God!!!!
We all came back into the room the mediator asked how we could keep in contact, we said we would send photos and letters to her address. Mom agreed to that also.
We started to end the meeting and the mediator asked if we all had anything in closing to say, Jamie just looked at the birth mom and said thank you, I dug in my purse after the Lord told me to give her a photo of Peanut. I handed it to her, told her to keep this picture as encouragement to get clean, maybe the photo could be her inspiration.
She starred at it for a long time while crying.
I told her that I was proud of the choice she was making and that she was courageous, not a failure for making the choice she did today.
She looked at the mediator and said, if it's ok with the foster mom and you , can I hug her?
She replied yes and I almost ran to her with my arms open, just as Jesus would have, we hugged so tight as we both sobbed, for one mother letting go of her daughter and the other embracing her.
As we hugged I told her to focus on today, for tomorrow has enough troubles of it's own.
She said thank you, then as we we finished the hug, she said" you promise to take care of her?" I said "I promise"
God's ways are better than ours, his thoughts are better than our own.
I think sometimes God only gives us a glimpse of what he sees because, we could not handle this kind of grace all the time, we are human. He wants us to come to him in all circumstances, and not just the big stuff, but little too.
Won't you give God your "stuff?" he wants to mold into a beautiful tapestry."he promises' ;)"
Love you all,
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
This is my walgreens deal today.
2 tylenol precise creams, $7.99 each = $15.98
2 lady speed stick deodorants, $2.39 each=$4.78
1 box 36 ct tampons,$7.99
total of =$28.75
I had 2 coupons from the Tylenol website for $5 off any one Tylenol precise product
then.....in the walgreens coupons there was a $3 off coupon.
So I took 2 coupons books from walgreens, and used 2 coupons on one item,and 2 on the other making them FREE!
Then lady speed stick at Walgreen was buy one get one FREE, so I had 50 cent of coupons from the manufacture (which I have 2 of also), well since I'm buying 2 deodorants, they let me use both coupons, so I got $1.00 off one and the other one FREE, making my total so far $3.78 for all....then....
I got a 36 ct box of kotex tampons, I had a $3 off manufacturer coupon and walgreens has a $3 off coupon in their book, so that takes those from $7.99 to $1.99.
My total with out tax $5.78 :)
Just a fun way to save some money,
and of course like always with anything in my life, PRAISE JESUS!!
Sunday, May 1, 2011
It's usually 8 when Peanut goes to bed, then 9 when Mason goes to bed, so we are still wrapping the evening up, but I knew if I did not blog now, you all would be waiting another day.
So I decided that right now is the time.
God spoke boldly this am, and that's when I like to sit down and blog, because it's fresh in my mind as well as my heart, but I was on time for church and I was afraid if I sat down and I would be late.
I hate being late anywhere, but I really hate being late for church, worship is one of my favorite times, I feel like it allows me to breath, accept his presence and then prepare myself for what he has to say.
Lots of you have asked about us moving, so here is the status on that....
We have felt for awhile now that God is asking us to move, we are not sure where or when but he has asked us, we really are not sure if God is asking us to do this and then we will still stay right here on Sweet Gum, but he is asking us to be obedient, and that is what we will be.
Our minds are thinking that maybe we will be moving to either, Blue Springs Mo (North side, Go Wildcats!!) or to Arlington Texas where Jamie has a job interview in July.
I know, I know, that's two WAY different places. So what we feel we need to do is put our house up for sale by owner for now, if someone buys it we will go from there.
God's word tells us to not to worry about tomorrow, for there is enough to focus on for today alone. It was affirmation today at church, for this is a verse was spoken by our pastor, today he spoke about being anxious and worrying. So please be praying for the purchase of our home, we are praying that the perfect family comes along and buys it.
We built this home and has lots of memories in it. From bringing Mason to it with nothing but cows in the backyard, then to becoming foster parents and caring for over 14 babies here. I rocked a lot of babies to sleep in that back bedroom and even said goodbye to one, who now lives with our heavenly Father.
I'm not looking back with sadness, but looking back with joy.
I'm looking forward for what the Lord has planned for us, for sure we are praying," Lord Order My Steps In Your Word!!!"
I read a devotion daily, and I love reading it then cross references it with the bible.
I love, love, love it, when I open the devotion or his word and God smacks me in the face with what he wants to tell me. Today in my devotion he told me this.
"You are in the path of My choosing. There is no randomness in your life. Here and now comprise the coordinates of you life. Most people let their moments slip through their fingers, half lived. They avoid the present while worrying about the future or longing for a better time and a better place.They forget that they are creatures who are subjects to the limitations of time and space. They forget their Creator, who walks with them only in the present.
Every moment is alive with my Glorious Presence to those who hearts are intimately connected with mine.
As you give yourself more and more to a life of constant communion of Me, you will simply have no to time for worry. Thus you are freed to let my spirit direct your steps (yes, order my steps!!)
this will enable you to walk along the path of Peace."
This all comes from Luke 12:25-26 & Luke 1:79
I read that, then I read it again, out loud, and with thankfulness that filled my heart. I then began to sing, order my steps in your word!! While Satan is busy God is REAL, order my steps in your word. This means Satan is busy trying to find his way in, by giving us negative thoughts about what we are doing, some people have even talked down to us about moving, or questioned us why, guess what?
I'm gunna let what you just said fly, let it roll off, when God has asked you to do something and you are doing it, you NEVER have to defend yourself, NEVER. I do not say any of this out of anger, don't try to ask yourself "did I say something?" It's not you, it's Satan and we have in the name of Jesus rebuked him from this situation. We ask many of you for your prayers, not your opinions and then we can watch God work.
I can't wait to see what he has planned and as hard as it is with my human brain trying to see where he is piecing it together, I will choose to focus on today and today only
"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:34
Love you all
ps as I finish this I got a call from the foster parents we are doing respite care for next week.
They will be here friday and we will have both of them for one week. Ezekiel is 1 and Tina is 4 months, Tina was admitted to children's mercy tonight with a yucky cough, she is only 6 lbs at her age of 4 moths, she was born at 23 weeks, she is a miracle baby, please pray for her to get well, I can't wait to sing, pray and love on them while they are here :)
Friday, April 15, 2011
Have you ever had a friend that you can talk about 15 subjects all in about 15 minutes? I have a few of those, but one comes to my mind when I think of that, my friend Shauna, we have been friends since 1st grade. As long as I can remember we have always been that way, people around us would ask "what are you talking about now?"
We always kept right up with one another without ever skipping a beat.
Well this post may be a little like that, cuz I want to touch on a few ongoing and upcoming things.
Since this blog is to follow our journey to adoption, here is the update on Peanut.
We have left a message with her adoption worker, because we have heard nothing, and have heard nothing back. If I sit and ponder about the situation I get mad, but it's in God's timing and we need to be still and know he is God.
I made an arrangement for her to see her half brother's the other day, we went to kaleidoscope, they had never been there before, her brother's are 4 and 7.
The youngest one played with Peanut some, but the older one investigated the whole kaleidoscope (think he liked it a lot!)
When we were ending the day I asked their dad (which Peanut shares the same mom with these boys, not dad)I asked him if he heard anything or knew of any changes, he said no, he knew mom had to go back to court the end of July and that was all he knew. Mom is not suppose to have any contact with them at all, but after Jamie asked a question to one of the boys about sharing his candy with dad, he said no mommy takes my candy. So we think she is still seeing them.
He was asked if he wanted to also try for adopting Peanut and he said, yes, just so they kids could all stay together and that she would have older brothers, which we all know she already has an older brother who is the BEST!!
Dad is unemployed and has no car or transportation, so we are not really worried that they will choose him, I really have peace about this, but it's the state and you never know.
So this is the update on her, not much but something for you to pray for.
The other is healing, we as a family are healing in a few matters, I learned a lot yesterday during prayer time in Matthew 7, this talks about you seeing the speck in someone's eye, when you have a plank in yours. Ouch!!
Be slow to judge, and do you know how hard that is? I know one sin is not worse than another, but friends, we do it all the time. We look at someone and because of the way they dress or smell, the car they drive or the house they live in, the clothes they wear or the money they have or do not have, we judge them, this is wrong and God does not intend on us to look upon one another this way. He wants us to see others the way he see's them,kinda hard to do sometimes, but I sure have felt that I have done this, even with people walking down the street. So my prayer is that I see the good in everyone that crosses my path, it will take some prayers and conviction, but I'm going to work on it.
Have you ever forgave someone and felt that freedom?, it is GREAT, so we are feeling the holy spirit move and have a road to go still, it's getting closer, believe it's coming :)
And last is......
I have been unemployed now for a few weeks, I applied for unemployment and they sent me a letter saying it was granted, it's not much, but I can sure stretch a penny these days with my coupons ;)
Well this week I got a letter in the mail saying that there was an "issue" that arouse and I would have to be on a phone call today to discuss the matter, then it would take 3-6 weeks for them to decide if I would still be considered. So I was a little worried about that this week.
This A.M., I knew that God was calling me to come sit in his presence and be still in his word.
I saw a post in FB to read Psalms 91:1, so I read it, got engaged by it and began to read the whole Psalm 91, it was great, it's about being safe under the wings of the most high God, that he is my refuge. Then I went on to read in my Jesus calling book, it was the same subject, it said to trust him, that many things today feel out of control and how I like things in order. When I feel these things take over, he will put me on a high rock and protect me. To take shelter under his wings, where I am secure. Say yes to the things in your life I lead you into and trust in me, do not be afraid.
Can I get an AMEN!
This message is for all of us, not just me. So if things feel out of whack, go sit and rest under his wings, look at it from upon a high rock, be still and hear his word.
So as I was waiting for the phone call this song came into my head.
"When the oceans rise and thunders roar, I will soar with you above the storm, Father you are King over the flood, I will be still and know you are God"
I clicked on youtube, clicked on the first song and just worshiped him.
As soon as the song was over my phone rang, it was the employment office,he asked a few questions about me working for the Jackson County School Dist, I said yes I worked for them, but I applied because I was laid off after a seasonal position I took with Thomas Nelson Live.
He said, "oh I see, so this is not that you are off for the summer and going to go back to work for the school district?" I said "no".
He said ok, well then all is well with your unemployment and you should receive your first check next week. "there is no waiting period, I said?"
"nope, he said it was a misunderstanding and all is good, I will take care of this problem in less than 2 minutes and you will be fine"
"I will be fine, I thought" of course I will, I'm under the wings of our most heavenly Father, he has me high on a rock.
I immidetaly hung up the phone, fell to my knees, thanking Jesus for being so good to me, I could not help the tears from coming, he said to me, "I had you this time daughter, and I will the next time too"
Gods word also tells us, that on days like today, when it seems, like a stay at home quiet day, when nothing seems to be happening. Instead of being bored by the lack of action, use these times to seek his face.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
So, I'm going to fill you in on my blog.
Today as many of you know is my last day with the revolve team, oh I how I loved doing this job, I felt so complete doing it, I never would have considered myself a sales person, but when you are passionate about what your selling, and in my case the opportunity to have teen girls learn about Jesus Christ, well what could be better than that? It was never about the ticket sales for me, it's only a number, but every time I went out to sell tickets, I prayed first that God would lead me to the right places to reach the girls who needed to be at the event. He is always so faithful and came through. At my event here in KC there was over 6 thousand teens in the arena, and over 1700 made a first time choice to trust Jesus Christ as there savior, PRAISE GOD!!!
So for a year now, Jamie has been looking for a new job, there is nothing wrong with the one he has now at Fox, he has been there 12 years and Fox has always been good to him. He has had his heart tugged on for over a year to look into the Police Academy. For a long time I blew him off, told him to stay at Fox, he was safe there and it paid the bills. He finally convinced me when he told me it was something God had laid on his heart and felt like he needed to pursue it as obedience. I know that sometimes God will ask us to do things just to see if we will do them, if we will follow through with what he asks, he may not really have that certain something even in his will, but he is just testing us. So, Jamie has applied for a few positions at Police Academies and even at different news stations outside the state of Mo. I was excited when he found a position that was open in Texas working with ESPN, this job is what he does here, but with sports, hello, that screams Jamie!! but, after filling out the application we heard nothing from them. but.....he has heard back from 2 police academy's the last 48 hours. Both who are interested in going the next step with him. There are many steps, testing and physical fitness test, background screening ect ect, at any time God can close the doors and say ok, you did well faithful servant, go back and work at Fox.
With me being out of a job as of tomorrow and Jamie searching, we just feel in our hearts that now is the perfect time for us to be completly open to our future, we both feel a stir taking place. I have been digging for answers from the Lord, we are following hard after him. Please believe me when I say that we want NOTHING but God's will. BUT, whatever that will is, the answer from us is YES, what would happen if we did this our way? we may miss the blessing and that to me is heartbreaking. God knows our hearts, he knows our desires, we will continue to seek him and follow him all the way to the finish line, like I have said many times before." With our arms raised in a V we shall cross that finish line in Victory !!"
Here is the reading I have read today, perfect for us today.
"God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble,
Be still and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations. I will be exalted among the earth. Psalms 46: 1 & 10
"Taste and see that I Am good"Psalms 34 :8
“Then you will know which way to go,
since you have never been this way before.”
Joshua 3:4a (NIV)
Dear Lord, thank You for Your promised presence. It comforts my heart to know that I am not alone. Lead me, Lord, through the unknowns in my life. Make Your path clear and I will follow it. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
So I was getting ready to close out this post when KLOVE just called my house thanking us for being a listener, and wanted to let us know that today they would be praying 3 times in their chapel, wanted to know how they could pray for us? Cool huh? God's always on time, is he not?
Just then I got a text from Jamie's cousin saying she was praying for Peanuts adoption to be on the fast track. When I hung up the phone I looked up to the TV to see Marlee M, from the apprentice on the Nate Burkus show, hello her name is MARLEE...... ok so we have a different spelling, but not doubting God is right in front of my face today, this is what happens when you seek the father, he is there all the time, he is waiting for us to seek him so he can show off.