"You will seek me and find me , when you seek me with ALL of your heart" Jeremiah 29:11


This weekend Mason and I went on a great float trip with some friends, we had a wonderful time. Floating down the river looking up at the trees and all God's creation was amazing. Today when I opened up my "Jesus Calling " book it read about his love call to us, he talks about the birds and how they call to one another, in the same way he calls to us, it may be through the birds or even through a thought or a sound. I loved the sound of all the bugs at night, it made me feel at peace.
He also says there is no limit to the way he may communicate to us, but one thing I know for sure, you have to be listening and giving the time to him so he can speak to you. Mason sometimes talks non stop and Jamie and I will have to tell him to be quiet so he can hear what we are saying, I feel the Lord sometimes saying that. We tell him over and over, Lord have all of me, the answer is yes, now what is the question?, but really are we or are we so wrapped up in our earthly lives that we forget to daily seek him and follow his voice, believe me he is interested in even what your choice for supper is, you did remember to invite him, didn't you?
He says that when the birds are calling you can find him, but also in hard times like grief too. He takes the torn tavern tapestry of our lives and makes this beautiful pattern for nothing but good.
Last night I was happy when Mason was praying and remembered to pray for court today, he ask "and dear Lord, please let us keep Peanut forever, she is the best sister"
as well as I liked the prayer and for sure agreed with him, I worried as I always do the night before court, I did pray that her mom would have the same heart and she did last time we met, but I also worried and satan knew that I was unsettled about it, so he chose to attack me. Now there have been times I have felt him near and I have had to command him to leave in the name of my savior Jesus Christ, but he attacked me in my sleep. As I was drifting off to sleep I felt sick, like feverish, I was freezing and I could not get comfortable, I tossed and turned and had felt kinda like I was coming down with the flu. I tried to convince myself I was just dehydrated from a long trip, or maybe just tired from not sleeping well, the thought even came to me that maybe I even got something from being on that trip. It was crazy and I finally drifted off to sleep, which was BAD. I have never been more terrified in all my life when I awoke. I know I was dreaming, but it felt so real. Satan was attacking me and I could not get away from him, with all my heart I was trying to say "In the name of Jesus Christ, the man that shed his blood on the cross for my sins, I command you to flee!!!!", but I could not, I could not speak, I could not get it out, I was terrified that I was stuck with him attacking me. Oh my gosh telling you makes my heart speed up, when I awoke my clothes were soaked from sweat, I of course could not go back to sleep , I was even too terrified to move. I prayed over and over for God to come cover me with peace, which I did get, but it took awhile for me to calm down. This was much worse than any panic attack I have ever had. I say all this because Satan can attack you at any moment, I had a friend once ask if I really believed that satan could interfere with a job opportunity, the answer is YES!! Did I mention that when I woke up today I was hoarse? My voice has returned a small bit, but you know when you have lost your voice and it hurts to talk ?, I have that now.
I woke up feeling tired and not well, I forced myself to eat something and began to get ready for court. I read my Jesus calling book, looked up some scripture and jumped in the shower. I still did not feel at peace. So while Jamie was getting ready I just met the Lord in my kitchen, I was crying asking him for some peace that I knew that could only come from him, I listen to the song that Jamie's cousin Heather posted, it gave me some relief. While we traveled to pick up my mom I felt still, just kinda ill. I wanted to go to court refreshed and ready, but I was lacking some confidence. Once my mom got in the car Mason began to talk all about his great time on our float trip and the tension eased. I finally felt safe and found joy in the stories Mason was telling, by the time we arrived I felt almost normal, except my tired voice box.
My mom sat in the play area with the kids while Jamie and I headed into the court room, Jamie and I laughed as we could never work there, it's old and smells funny, the lighting is enough to give you a migraine. We sat down in the back of the court room like always and Peanuts mom caught my eye as I was walking in, I grinned at her the best I could , knowing what I was pretty sure her future held this day. She smiled back a half grin and the judge then called her to the stand. I could not see her mom, for there was a lawyer in the way, but she answered all the questioned they asked her and there was one I won't forget. They said ( I'm going to use Sarah as her name) Sarah- "do you agree that the best interest for your daughter is to live with the foster family?", she said "you mean Jamie and Shelley?, as she peeked past the lawyers head to make eye contact with us, almost in a way of , of course I know them and she does not call us "the foster family", but by first names. She then agreed that she wanted her daughter to live with us and allow us to adopt her baby girl. The judge by law has to tell Sarah, that if something were to happen to us and that we could not follow through with the adoption that she would still be adopted out and she would not get her rights back, Sarah looked at the judge and said, I want them to have her, no body else. The judge said, I understand what you are saying, but do you understand that sometimes things happen and that she could possibly go somewhere else?, she was not ok with it, but knew she could not keep her no matter what. The judge did tell her the interest of the court was for us to get to adopt her, but......
She then agreed to sign over her rights on the court document right then and there. Then we were scared that Peanuts half brother's dad may come into play, but it did not, they dismissed him from the case and will not be considered as a adoptive resource.
The judge dismissed Sarah from the stand and as she began to sit back down I could hear her begin to cry, she knew what she had done and as much as it hurt she was doing the right thing.
Court was dismissed and all parties began to exit the court room. I walked over to Sarah who was still weeping and I touched her back, she reached her arms out for a hug, wrapped around me as if I was the only thing holding her up I told her that I was so proud of her and she whispered in my ear"please don't let them take her from you" I told her that we would do all that was in our power to fight for her, that I did not think she had anything to worry about, that all was going in a good direction and not to worry. I told her to take care of herself and to get clean. (She has been clean for 7 days today)
We said our good byes and I headed to the restroom, as I was trying to pull it together I heard the door open and also hear someone crying, when I opened the bathroom door, it was Peanuts mom, we talked for a moment, while we sniffled and wiped eyes over and over. As I reached for the door to leave, she asked if I would do her one favor?, I said" sure" she said " will you tell her I love her?", I smiled and said "always"
Her mom is now done with court dates and we will not see her anymore, we are now just waiting for some more court dates to come and go , we are not sure the time frame of this. We will for sure keep you up to date on what happens so you can all join in this celebration when we finally can call her a McCain!!