Thursday, December 16, 2010
So what is moving? We move houses, we move states, we move our bodies, we move our mouths (sometimes too much..lol)
A friend from work is moving as I type this, she lived in California, then moved home to help with family, and now she is moving back to California, I'm actually really jealous of her move, I'm not fond of the cold weather in KC, never have been, but because my family and lots of my friends live her I have not moved. God really has never said move in a big way to me either , so I stay here, living out the life he planned for me. Just so we are crystal clear if God told me to pack up my family and move to Africa, I would. I love all of you very much, but what would I be missing if I did not move?, and most of all what would I be missing that God had planned for me?
Today a friend from the lighthouse told me she was moving on, she is no longer going to work there. I know God has placed her in my life for a reason, she cried with me the day I had to hand the baby back, she prayed for us as we have been down this rocky road of adoption.
but weather you are in a hard spot in life right now,or just enjoying the view for a moment, God is ALWAYS moving in our lives. Right now as you read this, he is touching your heart isn't he?
He is moving friends all the time, although he says it's ok to stop and rest, he most of the time is telling us to GO. He wants us to make disciples out of everyone we know, this human life just gets in the way sometimes. We need for a moment in life to stop moving and listen for his directions, so for this moment stop, listen what is he saying to you?
Did you listen?, no that was not your conscious talking to you, that was God.
He told me today to go clean someone's house, someone who is always giving to others. She has a givers heart, but today so did I, so hopefully a clean house will allow her not to move for a moment and get to sit in Jesus precense.
I love you all and wanted to reassure you, God is moving.
Friday, December 10, 2010
The last two days, I wanted to escape from life, I really would have been better to stay in bed and not talk to anyone, I'm glad that I refuse to be ordinary and tell you all that I was just pissed off and from a few of you, you said thank you, which meant it was ok to be human and...normal.
So you are welcome :)
I asked for prayer for strength and I got it today, on my way to the dr this morning, I felt at peace, Peanut has never looked or been more sweet this last two days,she actually got pink eye and I had to take her to the dr, so in the dr office we got to snuggle, just by ourselves.
Then I have had a little more one on one time with her, since I'm always washing her hands and eyes due to her infection. Today I had to go to the dr for my knee, which I got a cortizone shot in (not so much fun) since she has an eye infection, she had to go with me,so we had another day together so far. She was so sweet to the dr, he remembered her from my last visit, 6 weeks ago.
He asked if we adopted her yet. (he remembered) I thought that was amazing, he see's many people all day long and remembering her, made my heart smile. We talked about it and he told us we were good people for what we did and wished us all the luck, in getting to keep her.
She also was a cute distraction from the 5 inch long needle going into my KNEE!!!
On my way home I was feeling a little exhausted from the knee thing and my sugar was drained from the nerves I had a the dr office, so we went by chick fil-a and then we went to a movie.
She has never been to a movie before, but being 10:30 in the am, I thought it would not be crowded and we could snuggle some more. I was right there was only 8 people in the whole theater, including us. I sat her in the chair next to me and tore up some french fries in a little cup for her, and put them in the cup holder, she would lean forward take a fry lean back smile at me and put it in her mouth, she did this for the first 20 minutes (til the fries were gone)
Every time music played on the big screen she would bop up and down, so sweet.
About 30 minutes into the movie she crawled her way into my nap leaned back and just watched the movie, moment later she went reaching for her binky, and fell asleep.
She was perfect in the movie, I sent Jamie a photo of her sitting in the big seat all by herself.
He loved it.
We then ventured home and I got a sweet text from a friend with encouraging words from her, plus a text or two from family saying they were praying for us today.
So prayer was answered, I have strength today! I feel pretty darn good, I feel very lucky to be with her right now,(as I type this she is crawling all over me looking for more attention) So thanks for the prayers keep them coming, cuz just like the dr remembered her, my heavenly father remembers me too:)
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Peanuts mom was able to get the judge to let her have 60 more days to "get clean"
DFS was shocked that the judge granted it for her, and so were we. The judge even asked for her to take a drug test as she left because she did not act "clean" at the hearing.
All I can possibly think of is that the court told her that she had one year to get clean. To take her rights away from her today, she could appeal and say it has not been a year, maybe the judge knows she won't get clean and so what is 60 more days?
On the other hand, we walked away upset and so confused, we were sure that all was going our way and with dfs asking for her rights to be terminated that for sure the judge would grant that, even mom's lawyer asked if she could be released from this case today because mom has done nothing to get her kids back, she was also denied from the judge.
We could all sit and scratch our heads over this one and I have had a pretty rough day asking God what his plan really is. I have so many times thought I was heading in his direction and doing what he wanted me too only to be shocked by the outcome, I still am looking for the victory he promised us over 2 years ago. I like to think of myself as a patient person who has stood tall and leaned on him in good times and in bad, but today I find myself with no strength.
I have said earlier I know that our prayers don't bounce off the ceiling, but today I almost physically wanted to touch that bumpy stuff on the ceiling to see if it was made of rubber.
I have always said I refuse to be ordinary that's why I share with you my true feelings and what I feel now. I can sit here and tell you all the "right stuff" to say, we are waiting on the Lord, his timing is perfect, everything happens for a reason, but really right now, I am not strong!!
I am very weak at this very moment as I write this. Tonight we were practicing "first Christmas" and I really can tell you that I did not feel the spirit tonight. I felt very alone,very secluded,very invisible. I sang the words and I hit the right notes, but really I was just not feelin' it if you know what I mean.
We all gathered around the room to pray and I knew Lee was praying for the people who were going to fill those seats who needed to be touched by the spirit. But as I could not control the tears as they ran down my cheeks, I felt my husbands hand grasp my tighter, for he knew that I was crying and him being the only person who knew why, well him and God.
I'm not saying that I don't believe he has a plan. I'm being real and telling you that today, well it sucked and I'm reaching out to you to pray for strength for us, I ask that you pray that God will show himself in a mighty way to remind us that he hears our cry. To be reassured from him soon is just what we need. So would you come along side of us and pray please?, I know by writing this it is healing for me, this is what I do. I refuse to pretend that being a Christian is easy it's sometimes really hard, but I know the victory will be so sweet when it gets here and you will be there with us when we get there, but for now I need "strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord"
Let me finish with telling you what I can smile about, when we left that court room this afternoon that sweet little Peanut, well she came home with us and therefore I get another day with her for now :)
Thank you friends for walking this with us.
Have already spent alot of this morning just holding her, we let Mason stay home from school, so we really are just spending time together today as a family. I will post later the out come.
Thank you for all your prayers :)
Monday, December 6, 2010
Do you believe in them??
If you would have asked me that before I was a believer, I would have told you no. I would have been more on, what goes around comes around kinda thinking.
It's so odd to even think that maybe I would not believe in miracles today, I know many don't, and I need to remember those who don't think there are any miracles. I can easily be stuck in my own world, focusing on my own miracles waiting to happen. But the point to be here on this earth is to get others to believe in miracles too, right? To come along side of them and show them God's love, to walk life together, and help point out the miracles in their own lives, to teach them how to do the same.
God is performing miracles everyday, did you stop and see one today?, or were you so busy in your day that you missed it? Did you hear about that wreck that was on the highway, it happened 5 minutes after you passed?, did you see that deer run in front of you just in time for you to hit the breaks? You think that was by accident? ,it was not my friends, every moment of every hour God is in control, let me say that again, just in-case you were somewhere else when you skimmed past those words, Every moment of every hour, God is in control!!
Today a friend spoke on the gifts that the 3 wise men brought before Jesus after he was born, one of the gifts that they brought really caught my attention, it was Muhr, this item is what they would wrap the dead in so they bodies would not smell as they decayed. Friends, these wise men along with Mary already knew what Jesus was sent here for? He was sent here to die for ours sins, to wash them white as snow, white, not off white or tan-nish, but WHITE, so that thing that you asked forgiveness for 3 years ago, that the devil keeps bringing up, yep well God is saying to you "what are you talking about, I don't remember that? He already washed it away, he does not bring it back up after you have asked forgiveness for it. Now that is a miracle.
As you go about the rest of you day, look for those little miracles, then after seeing them, thank God for them, it blesses his heart to know that you noticed him today and gave him thanks for all that we have.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Peanut, Mason and I along with my folks went to see "Christmas in the Park" last night at the long view farm. Peanut sat in my mom's lap and just took in all the lights, while bubby read everything we passed, he is a awesome reader!!
We would ask Peanut, do you like the lights, and she would clap and sign, "more"
So cute, my mom ended the day by giving us advent calendars from Russell stovers, she gave us two, I said one for Mase and one for Peanut, but she knows who is eating the chocolate from Peanuts....."well, last year Mason would not share :(
Have a blessed wed.
Monday, November 29, 2010
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
So what do these words mean, strength will rise up as we wait upon the Lord?
Well to me I know that for over 2 years we have been following God's plan to adopt and as I was telling a friend the other day, I remember praying for a bi-racial little girl to come into my home and let us love on her. This is the first prayer I asked for 2 years ago. We have had boys and girls of all different kinds of races, but no bi-racial girl til this last one arrived.
We have been through some tough times the last 2 years, waiting on the Lord, but I pray that you all see that while we have been through all of this, we have been waiting on him, and we still are.
We do not have a answer from him, but while we wait upon him, we know that he reigns forever, and he is are hope and our strong deliver. I know he has a answer for us, and I know that I have been human at trying to figure out his plan, I really wrack my brain sometimes, trying to look back and see who, where and when God used us to get to the point of where we are now.
The date Feb 8, is a date I can not get out of my mind. It's a date that means so many things to me, the date Journie was born, the date that little Peanut was placed into foster care with the Paulsens, the date that our social worker said was the approx date to look for her to be up for adoption, cool huh?
So while you are on this journey with us, look back, where where you a year ago? What was God doing in your life at the time, where are you now? What is is asking you to do?
Follow his plan, because at the end of the song, we will have more strength to praise him, because we sat in his presence and waiting for him to lay out the plan for our lives, you know.... the plan he has for us, not to harm us but to give us hope and a future :)
Love you all, have a great Tuesday !!
Monday, November 8, 2010
We had a visit today from our social worker, she thought that we needed to have "Peanut" a least 8 months to be considered to be her adoptive parents, but after a phone call to dfs it's only 6 months.
She will have been here 6 months on Dec 16 2010. The next court date is Dec 8th, 2010 at 3:30 pm, please put this in your calendar to pray for us that day. Usually on this date, her mom is suppose to come in and say what she has been doing and ask for a extension on her rights, but because her mom has done nothing, they are asking for her rights to be terminated, could be a hard day.
So last week Jamie asked "what are we going to name her?" I said "I don't know?"
Jamie got up and went to the computer where he started looking at all these names, most of them start with a M, we still like Marley, but every time we say that name, that sweet baby that we did not get to adopt pops in our minds, kinda like it still is her name to this date, or at least to us.
It's funny to us, that we have had her for 5 months and not even had a conversation about what her name may be, it's just to hard to give her one, knowing it may be taken away from us.
I can rest assure you that I have taken it to the Lord, and I have prayed that all along he has known her name and would he please let us know what it is?
It's been fun, saying a name,looking at her and wondering if that is her name, God has given her.
by the way we are open to suggestions for a name, her middle name will be Claire, if God see's that she is to stay here with us.We like names that start with a M or a C, we also DO NOT like normal names, no maddison,or makenzie like names.It's so hard to pick names when you worked with kids for 18 years,I loved Samuel before we got Mason, but 2 weeks before we met Mason I had a Samuel, NO!!!! He was a wild man to say the least.
So what is in a name? We live with it for the rest of our lives, we write it down over and over for years and years to come. We don't usually have a choice in it, our parents give it to us, and only in hollywood have I heard of people changing theirs.
In conclusion, whatever her name is, God has already had it engraved in his heart and forever it will stay there, forever she will be his, forever he will be the same :)
Love you all,
Saturday, October 23, 2010
We get up and get Mason ready for school, feed the baby, get ourselves ready for work. We work all day come home and eat dinner and rush out the door to what ever activity we have that night.
It's just the American way, go go go, then go some more.
That's no excuse for me not writing and not updating you on what we have been going through.
We really have just been living life and trying not to think that maybe we would have to give Peanut back, for 2 months her mom did not even call. The dfs office could not get a hold of her either, she does not have a phone, so kinda hard to do.
Well she called last week and has the same story, she is waiting for a bed in a rehab place. I guess this means, she still has had no treatment and still singing the same song and dancing the same dance. Good for us I think.
The next court date is in December, the state was suppose to be having this date so that her mom could plead her case and hope to get Peanut back, but we were informed last week that they are going to ask for permanency, this would mean the start of her going up for adoption. Sounds easy and like we should get her and what's the hold up right?
Well nothing is easy with the state, she will go up for adoption and we will be considered to adopt her, but there will be a staffing,(another word for a meeting) to decide were she should go and what is best for her, the good news is that yes we do have a better chance of us getting her because of having her for 6 months by then.
After that there will be a court date, and if that goes well then we can make a court date to adopt her. I say all this to say we will be needing a lot of prayer, this is where we really need to lean on God's promises about our little girl, we keep telling people that if they try and take her away we will be moving far far away with her, like Peru, but now we have told everyone Peru, it will have to be somewhere else, we are so in love with her, that we could not give her away to anyone, we know God has a plan and most days, like our busy American way I do not think she will leave us, once in awhile I think about it and I worry, but I keep praying and telling myself she will get to be a McCain soon. I will try t0 update you better, but for now she is here with us, we love her so much and keep praying Psalms 37:4 "Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart"
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
I'm traveling this week for work and I'm in the great city of Columbia...MIZZOU!
I met with all my appts and had a few drop offs. I stopped by wal-mart to buy all of us a piece of mizzou, except for peanut, they did not have her size:(
So it was time to check into my hotel. My hotel is booked from TX. The only way they know how to book it is by the zip code I'm in.
That's the only info they have, so it's not their fault if it smells or is in a bad location, that's what mine was. I was on the 1st floor with broken blinds, it smelled horrible, and it looked a little shady on the location, it was not next to anything I saw during the whole day at being in Columbia.
I was talking to Jamie and told him I was not feeling comfortable. He told me to tell someone, which earlier in the day, the person who booked it said, if you don't like it, go somewhere else.
So I called her and said I was feeling unsafe there. She said for me to look around and find somewhere else and she would book it. So I was very thankful that I could call on a friend who is a student here. I asked her where I could stay,she told me of a place where her parents come when they visit, so an hour later I was handing my key back to the old hotel and checking into my new one, which is great, it has wi fi so I can work. It has a gym so I can workout, it does not smell and I feel safe...deep breath.
I'm so thankful right now, cause I was worried about staying in that other place for 3 days. Now I'm back to feeling excited about being here.
I have had a great day.
Pray for me to have a great day tomorrow! I need to touch some churches, so they bring lost girls to this event, so there is a chance they will leave found!!
Sunday, September 26, 2010
She never cried and as said as it is, really because she did not have strong enough lungs to do so,but she would just give me a look and I knew that she had enough suctioning or when she was uncomfortable I could feel her squirm. My favorite time with Journie is when I would bath her, I did this ever night weather she needed it or not, because it was what I loved the most to do with her, she was free from tubes and wires for a short time and I know she enjoyed that feeling too. Most of the time she was struggling to breath and we all did our best to always make sure she was as comfortable as we could make her, but she always would calm her breathing during her bath,it was so comforting to her and to me, she knew it was time and her eyes would get big and she would know, because we would start the move of all her equipment into the kitchen. First we would move the suction machine to the counter, then make sure all her supplies were in the right place, last we would move her and her oxygen to the kitchen, and her and I knew it was spa time:)
I got to take all her tubes off and all those sticky pads off her that sometimes left her skin red. I got to free her from these daily burdens for such a short time a day and it made me feel like I was taking the best care of her I could. When she was done with her bath I would lotion her and just snuggle her in her warm towel, yes warm, I would put a towel in the dryer before she had a bath and have Jamie or whoever was around go get it from the laundry room seconds before she got out so it would be warm for her, I told you it was spa time.
I did not know that the last bath I would give her was one year ago from today, although I felt the time was near, only God knew she was being prepared for him to bring her home. That last night with her was a sleepless one, the nurse came to wake me to tell me she was not doing well. I got up and just held her all night and into the morning hours. I called my mom once the sun was up and told her soon it was time. My mom came and cooked us breakfast and we just took turns holding her while the nurse gave her meds to make her comfortable. The weather outside was beautiful, and as much work as it was to get her out of the house, when we would take her to Masons' football games she always perked up, she loved being outside and seeing other people.
My mom suggested we move her outside to the warm sun, she we packed her up and moved outside. She immediately was comforted by the warmth. It was about 11 when I released the nurse to go home. Minutes after he left my mom was holding her and we saw a blue and black butterfly land on my deck, it was so peaceful and quite. My mom asked if I wanted her back and I said yes,mom went inside to get a drink and returned, as she was inside I told Journie that I was ok and that if she was just too tired to take another breath, I was ok to let Jesus have her. I then prayed to God, telling him that if it was her time to go that I was going to be ok and thanked him for letting me be in her life, it was not a minute later that her chest to mine, she left my arms to the arms of Jesus.
Mom and I shed some tears and all in a breath she was gone.
That day Jesus freed her from her tubes and machines forever. I'm thankful that I was a part of Journie's life,I'm thankful God chose me to have her the day she went to heaven. I'm not pretending that it's not hard, I have already shed some tears sharing this with you and tomorrow as I visit her grave I know I will shed some more. I'm sharing this with you because life is hard handle it with prayer.
Below is the blog I wrote after Journie passed away.
Love you all.
It has been to long since our last post, and because life has been happening, and not just ordinary things, but hard life.
We have been repite caring for a sweet baby girl, Journie. She was born at 25 weeks and life has just been hard on her, all of her energy goes just to taking her every single breath. She has had a journey herself, we have cared for her before but when she came into our care the second time, she was fighting the battle to just stay alive, on September 27th at 11:15am she lost her battle here on earth, Jesus gently took her from my arms and into his, it was the sweetest moment to know that he waited til we were outside on the deck her chest to mine where she took her last breath.
My earthly body does miss her and her sweet face and her hot pink toe nails, but God has been so gentle to hold me so close and give me peace, so when those tears fall they are falling because we serve such gentle savior. Journie Mays-Price 2/8/2009-9/27/2009
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Marcie squealed as she hung up the phone "Clint, that was the social worker.They are placing a foster baby with us tonight!" Clint grinned and said " Well we better get some baby things ready"
Is it a boy or a girl, how old?"
"A baby boy just a few weeks old, I have the crib set up, so lets get out some bottles and some of Will's old clothes"
" First lets tell Jamie and Will we will be getting a foster baby tonight"
A few hours later the family returned home with a infant boy named, Jacob. His biological parents had a drug problem and he needed a safe home where he could stay for awhile.
Marcie knew they had a amazing opportunity to shower Jesus' love on this little one for however long this little one would stay.
"Mom,when will we know if Jacob can stay with our family?" Will asked
"It may be years before we could adopt Jacob,Marcie explained " but we are called to love him and care for him right now and no matter what the future holds,God can use this time in this little boy's life to draw him close. We will just love on him one day at a time and pray that the spirit will work in and through us to minister his needs,physical and spiritual."
Foster care is a special calling for those who are willing to step into the life of a child and make a difference,whether for short or long term. Foster families and adoptive families can be a reflection of God's love, filled with grace. As Christians, we don't do anything to deserve God's love,but He adopts us as his own and gives us all the rights and privileges of being His child because of Jesus death on our behalf. If you feel the tug to provide for a child in need of a home you can contact you local DFS office
People ask me all the time when we have foster babies, "is this baby yours?" I always respond with "well today they are"
God has asked us to love on them while we have them and let them go when he says Go,it's not easy and with the anniversary of Journie's death around the corner, I can sit in his presence and be reminded that he has asked Jamie and I do this, and in the end he will sing praises over us for being obedient.
It's not the storms that he is watching, it's how you will dance in the rain when it does.
Have a blessed night, I'm going to go love on Peanut :)
Saturday, August 21, 2010
I told you in my last blog that I wanted to share with you what I felt like REVOLVE meant to me.
The name of the teen tour that is put on by Women Of Faith is called Revolve. This year the tour is called "dream on". I needed to get to the root of what Revolve meant to me. I have told the ladies that hired me that what will keep me going everyday is the thought that there may be a young women out there that does not know our heavenly father, we that have Christ in our hearts have a gift and I want to give it away (reminds me of a good Gaither Vocal band song) it's called....Give It Away:)
Anyways back to Revolve.
I will be staying at a hotel the next few nights and many hotels I have stayed at have revolving doors, they also have doors on both sides of the revolving door too. This is what hit me, have you ever tried to go through the revolving door by yourself? It's a little harder to do by yourself, it's kinda heavy and I know some of us have avoided that door cuz, what if it gets stuck and I look like a fool, getting stuck in the revolving door, looking like I need help....
I have seen many people go to the door on the side, it's the easier door, you can do it by yourself,you don't any assistance to open it, it's lighter than trying to get that other one spinning by yourself huh?
Hopefully you all have seen the movie ELF, we love that movie, sometimes we break it out even when it is not Christmas to just have a good laugh.
Do you remember him spinning himself in that revolving door? He went round and round til it made himself sick, he gets sick in the trash can and well.....does it all over again, he has pure joy on his face as he does it again.
We have a choice here, do we take the door that we can open ourselves, it's kinda light and we need little help?
Or do we take the heavier door, that may require alittle more umph and maybe it may make us sick at times, sometimes we need help, but the pure joy we get from doing it, we keep going, & going and going.
It is so obvious the choice I have made, Im now the event rep for the REVOLVE tour for Women Of Faith. I sure pray this hotel I stay at has a revolving door :)
God bless and please pray for the following while I'm away.
That God gives all of us safe travels and good health.
Pray for Leila as she has not been feeling well, away from her mommy is hard when your ill.
Pray for Jamie as he is home with both kids by himself!! YIKES..lots of prayer (Just kidding, I heart him so much)
For the trainers in Tx to be rested and on fire to teach us to GO....
Have a blessed night and thank you
ps the day I was interviewed for this job, it was at a hotel with a revolving door, guess which one I chose??
Thursday, August 19, 2010
I did not look for this job, it came to me, know it's a God thing, and my heart is on fire to get started.
I fly out Sunday to do training in Texas and then return home late Tue night.
I have seen lots of my kids from past and present that I have been with. On Sunday I ran into my sweet Kelsey, who when I told her that I was leaving she gave me puppy dog eyes and told me Valley Kids would not be the same without me. I then saw a parent around the corner, this time she said "Mrs.McCain???" I said yes, she could not believe it, I had her son Brock years ago, he is now 16!! I told her I would like to tell her that it made me feel old that I had him in Elm school, but I went on to tell her that I have a student from another school who is attending MU (M-I-Z-Z-O-U), she said "really?," I said yep and I still see her, usually twice a year. She went on to praise me about how much her son loved having me as a teacher, I tried as much as I could to accept her praise and tell her thank you and that all the kids I have worked with I love, and all those kids I prayed for too, and yes even the ones that brought challenges. I tell Mason there is no bad people, just bad choices and we as humans make alot of bad ones, but we also make good ones too. So lets sit on those good choices we have made for tonight.
Anyways, I still love all my kids and it blesses my heart to hear that I was a favorite teacher. Most of all I love it, when I can feel my heavenly father singing praises over me.
I mean really, I just left a job that I have been doing for 18 years to go and do something I have never done before, but all the time he keeps whispering to me, "Oh yes, you have always done this job, telling others about me"
This is were he wants me and I know the only reason I have so much joy in it, is that he asked me to do it and I said "yes". He has got big plans for me with this company and as long as I shall live I will be employed by him!! Thank you Jesus for giving me the best job ever, telling others about you and wanting all to hear about you.
Look tomorrow to hear about the tour I will be representing it's called "Revolve" I already know what he wants me to say, so check back
Love you and sleep tight.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
I have been reading this book called "I will carry you" It really has been a good book. Yes it's sad, but the way this family has handled this path that the Lord has laid out for them is amazing.
In one part the mother is broken, she goes to a dr appt. where she has been told her baby will not live, she is early in her pregnancy and has a choice to carry this baby or to terminate. They as a family choose to let God be the one to take this child at his perfect timing. They have ups and downs during this time, they have hope that God will heal her, but then are heartbroken when they keep getting bad results from test that are run on her. This baby they gave to God, saying we believe that you can heal her, but if you choose not to, we will praise you anyway.
I have guarded many of you from the details of having Journie die in my arms that day.
Some of them are just hard to share, there are few of you who have ever had this happen to you, you will never understand. But I can also tell you that at the time of Journie leaving this earth, her laying peacefully in my arms, her head against my chest. It was also the closest sweetest moment I have ever had with our heavenly father, he came down and whispered in my ear. "I'll take her" and in that second she drew her last breath here on earth and I know she took a deep breath in heaven. I thank him for that moment I had with her, I thank him that he chose me to be there at that time, that he chose ME to be holding her when she went to heaven. That this whole life I had been living out, he knew that whole time that I would be the one for Journie. He knew I would be the perfect one to be with her. He planned it perfectly. The sun was warm, the nurse had left. A sweet blue and black butterfly had landed seconds before she died, forever I will love blue and black butterlfies, in memory of my sweet baby Journie Unique Price.
She did have a Journie and she was very Unique, but it was HE that paid the Price for us.
If you go to youtube and type in "I will carry you" It's by Selah, there is a video of this family who went through this, the babies name is Aubrey Caroline. It's a great song of a time of Grief and a time of Joy.
I love you all,
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Pleasing is the fragrance of your perfumes; your name is like perfume poured out. No wonder the maidens love you.
I went to the school I work at in the fall yesterday to show residency to the office so that Mason can go to school there. When I walked in I could not help but smile, the smell.... the smell of my school, where I would go 5 days a week and spend many hours playing with kids and building relationship with parents and staff. It smelled GREAT! I love summer more than anything, Im one who can hang out by the pool or in the lake all day, I never complain that it is too hot, I am a SUN lover!!
But, I could not help but not want to go back, now I'm excited about a new year, what will this year bring? Last year was a hard one, but still so many blessings to count.
So, I was telling my summer co-workers about this smell and at the same time I am in a chapter in my book that is talking about Mary washing Jesus feet with a whole bottle of perfume.
That back in the day 2 or 3 drops would have been enough, but they think that she knew that he needed the whole bottle so even after his death, the aroma from the perfume would fill the empty tomb. Sounds nice huh? Can you imagine what that scent will be? What is your favorite scent? I have a few, Mason after he has showered and put on lotion, the smell of Peanuts neck after a bath, my husbands pillow after he has left for work, and yes even for someone who does no caffeine, I love the smell of coffee beans!!
So all those smells that I love, I'm sure it will never even compare to the smell of our savior, maybe all those favorite scents of yours are a reminder of Jesus, that he is there with you always. I'm giving you permission to go buy something with a great scent to it, TODAY.
Place it somewhere you can smell it often, then every time you get a wif let it be your reminder that our heavenly father delights in your scent too as you follow his path he has laid out for you.
For I am a SON lover.
Have a blessed day
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Sunday, August 1, 2010
So to keep myself entertained I came downstairs to do my P90X video, after doing this video I saw out of the corner of my eye a stack of cds. I rummage through a few, which are very old and came across a Selah cd Jamie and I use to always sing to as we went on road trips. It's odd because I'm reading that book "I'll carry you" the person who wrote this book is married to a singer in Selah.
I could not help but put it in and listen to "You are my hiding place" I love that song.
During this time Mason came down and said, "mommy, Im still thirsty. He has had 2 spites and 2 gatorade and some off brand of a kool-aid drink.
I told him I would be there in a min to make him something else.
Right then on youtube starting playing, "this is the air I breathe"
My heart immediately was hearing from God. He was telling me to be thirsty too.
I looked up scripture and here is what I'm living on today, hope it blesses your heart too.
"If anyone is thirsty,let him come to me and drink. Whoever believes in me as the scripture has said, streams of living water will flow within him" John 37:38
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Ok so here is todays blog and its a good one.
I try, and notice I said try to pray everyday that God uses me, sometimes I forget and sometimes I remember. Sometimes I remember to pray it, but forget to look for the opportunities to do so.
So.... this morning during my quiet time, I remembered to ask him to use me today.
My pray was "Dear Heavenly Father, use me today for your work, let me be the light today to someone who is sad, even if it is to give them a smile on a crappy day, or something bigger. I am yours to use today here on earth.
So I went to work and praised many kids on there good choices, was nice to my co-workers, which is not hard to do I love them.
But still nothing felt like "it"
So I went about my day ran some errands and went to stop in at Dollar General for some icing for Jamie's birthday cookie cake ....YUM!
It was the only item I needed, but me being me I looked at the baby items they had.
Well let's go back to me walking in the door so you know how "it" happened.
I was opening the door when a elderly lady was coming out, so I greeted her with a smile and held the door for it , nope not this...wait for it.....
Then as I started in another lady was walking out with a cart, that was not fitting through the door, so I went back and opened both doors so she could fit, she said thank you also and went on her way.....still waiting...lol
So I walked in the door and a worker said, good afternoon, welcome to dollar general. I smiled back said hello, asked how there day was, as I was walking to the aisle I needed.
NOPE, NOT YET...here it is.....
I was looking at the baby clothes when the manager approached me. He asked if he could compliment me on something he noticed. I said yes, he said as soon as I entered their store, he could feel joy surrounding me. He said theses are tough times we are facing in the world, he was just amazed at the spirit of joy that was around me as I entered the store. He said he could have not said anything, but he felt in his spirit that I had blessed him that day. He said he knew that he was suppose to come tell me. Ok, so I'm kinda fighting back tears as he tells me this, but all I could say was "thank you for sharing with me, and I appreciate your compliment. You have no idea what that meant to me"
He replied with "I just felt like I was suppose to tell you how you made me feel"
OMGOSH, I checked out with my two items and no, I refrained from getting anything for the baby. But I walked out with a FULL HEART, I was thanking Jesus from the moment I opened the door to leave. I could not wait to call Jamie and tell him what had happened.
You never know when God may use YOU to change someone's day or their heart or their lives!!
What a blessed day I have had!!
Ask God to use you today, then look for the opportunity
I love you all.
Monday, July 26, 2010
I have had some photos that I had taken of her developed and man, they look so different from the first time we had her in our care, she has really grown, and we still look at her and think how small she is for being 6 months old this week.
I started reading a book last night my mother in law gave me, it's called " I'll carry you"
While I'm reading it, it kept popping into my mind, I needed to write in my blog. Many of you have said that my blog needs to be a book, and even one friend said she new the title would be called "Journie" like our sweet Journie that now lives in heaven with our savior. I don't see myself as a writer, just someone telling our story. I'm always open to what the Lord leads me to do, so if it's a book, lets put our tennis shoes on and lets go. As I sit here and write I have my tennis shoes on, not to run, but to walk for a short while today.
I laughed when Debbie handed me the book yesterday, for our friend was standing there and said it was a great book ,she cried the whole way through " I said well I'll pass then, geezzz who wants a book they are going to bawl through? Truth is my friends, my family could easily bawl through our past too. It's what we have chosen to do with theses storms that makes the difference. God made Jamie and I a promise to send us a little girl. Do we already have her in our home?? We dont know, but whenever the timing, it will be great. Better than we planned.
So, keep plugging into my blog and I'll keep plugging into his word.
Have a blessed day loved ones :)
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Running 3 days a week,weights too, then on Saturday's I did yoga with a friend. When we started fostering I started doing P90X, alot of you got to see me post on FB daily on my P90X workout, which was killer, but I loved the results, felt like I could go 24/7.
So in Feb. I fell and hurt my right knee. I have not done cardio since then, it has sucked!!
For those of you who do workout, it's very tough to go from working out all the time to none at all.
It messes with your brain too.
So today on the way to church I was listening to the radio, when I heard exactly what I needed to hear.
That this is part of my race, I was working so hard at working out, and I know what it feels like to be sore from a tough workout, believe me, if you don't get one training session with my husband, he is not easy on even his wife.
We have kinda been on stand still with adoption, while we wait to see what happens with Peanut's future, we still have our name in at the Lighthouse, but have not had one call since the disappointing news of our birthmom changing her mind.
Either way, this is my time to reflect and refresh, this is my time to be still and know that he is God, to look back and see where God was and is still working. He told me today that my race is not finished yet and he will be asking me to get back up and run another lap or two, but until then....just chill.
So while it's hard for me to not workout like I'm use too. I will use every opportunity to look for what Christ has in store for me, I will wait for doors to open and doors to close. I can't wait to get back out there and run and to feel the ground under my shoes. I will wait for God's timing,which will be perfect....wait on him friends it will be worth it!!
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
If not, it's never to late to do so. I do alot of praying while I'm in the shower, it is quiet and no one is bothering me. I always am filled with a song to sing after I pray in the shower and yes alot of the time I sing outloud whatever song is put into my heart. It is a good way for me to start the day, to let God know that I want him to be in control of whatever happens that day. I also always ask God to use me to change someones day somehow, whether its paying for the Starbucks for the person behind you, or just smiling to the walmart checker behind the counter, who looks less than thrilled to be there. We never know what kind of day that person may have been having, but I know if I ask Jesus to use me, and I obey, I will change someone's day, and that is fulfilling.
Tonight was our first wed, this is where we meet at church and just pray and worship.
So when you walk in you get a little card to write prayer request on, after filling it out you place it on the steps and others are welcome to walk up pick up a card, one at a time and pray for whatever is on the cards. It may be for themselves, it may be for a neighbor or a co-worker.
Jamie and I had one, we ask for people to pray for our friends who are in need of a new home.
So Jamie and I went up to the stairs grabbed and prayed over a few cards, when God told me to pray over Peanut, who we were holding at the time, I could not pray, I just cried. Jamie prayed over her and I felt better about that. He prayed that we could have her, but he also said thank you for letting us have her for this time, if she is not to be ours. It was one of those nights, that after I came home I felt exhausted. If you are close to Christ like that and know what I'm talking about, I know some of you do. I can remember many times that Melissa,Wendy and I went to pray or sing over someone and had to go home and take a nap, because we were so tired.
I would never change that feeling for the whole world. I just pray that one day you will know that feeling.
Love you all
Monday, July 5, 2010
We love living thois life of family of 4, Peanut just fits here, she is just like Mason. Laid back, nver cries, goes with the flow, and always so happy.
Her mom was suppose to have a visit with her today and for the second time in 2 months, she did not show up. This time her mom did call saying she was waiting on a ride to bring her, but after the worker waited an hour for her to show up, she left. As soon as she left her mom called and said she was coming. The worker said she had been waiting an hour for her and was not going back, she would have to try and reschedule at a different date. I stopped to think about that for a minute, "you mean she does not have a car?, or her license has been taken away?
How would she get Peanut to all her dr appointments if she had no transportation? I guess she would be an hour late for those too? I dont know about you, but most dr dont wait for patience, we are always waiting for the dr.
Seems kinda funny, Jamie and I are the patience in this story and God is the Dr, we are waiting on him to show us the perfect timing.
We will just continue to take our daily meds (pray and be in his word) until the time comes. Hope everyone had a safe and Great Fourth Of July!!
Until next time-God Bless
Monday, June 21, 2010
Kinda like our sinful lives huh?
We mess them up daily then we can just easily ask God to forgive us of those sins, and he washes them away, but in his case we don't smell like tide, we smell like the Father.
Which brings me to ask you, would you like to go to Women Of Faith with me?
It's November 5th and 6th. I'm taking a group and already have seats reserved. I think as of today I have like 15 ladies joining me. I would not miss this weekend if I was on my death bed. It's just a time to get away with the ladies and live in the presence of the Lord, what can be better than that?
If you want to go you can go to womenoffaith.com and sign up under my group. The cost is $89, but you can set up a payment plan now and pay $10 a month if you want.
We are called "fragrance of love". I pray that as we live our lives day to day, that those that are lost can smell the fragrance of love seeping out of our pores and they want to smell like that too, better than the most expensive perfume you have ever had, better than a smell of a baby, and most of all..better than Tide :)
There are many verses on fragrances in the bible, but this one fits us for today sisters :)
Song of Solomon 4:10
How delightful is your love, my sister, my bride! How much more pleasing is your love than wine, and the fragrance of your perfume than any spice!
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
As soon as my eyes pop open in the am, I can't wait to look over and see if the little "peanut" is awake.
The last two nights she has went to bed before 8pm and slept til about 7am.
She has been awake both mornings I got up, she is just kicking her perfect feet in the air and talking to what I think is the butterflies on the bumper pad....lol
I can't wait to go in tell her good morning. She always greets me with a toothless grin :)
Weather she is here for a short stay or forever, I still thank God for letting us have her, in this moment, right now.
So I'm sitting here watching the discovery channel and my heart is aching for a lady I'm watching going through fertility treatment.
The fertility Dr Jamie and I went to in St.Louis is doing the show, his name is Dr.Silber.
I'm watching them have all this hope and spend all this money on fertility treatment, then the news is always the same. Negative pregnancy. I feel their pain,but I also wander, do they know Jesus? Do they know that he has a plan for them, something they never even could imagine?
I don't know when this show was taped, but I found myself crying out to God, to let them be parents now, whatever the way they became parents, that the hole that was in their heart is now filled with a child's love, but most of all with God's love and hope, and friends...that cost nothing.
Love you all have a blessed day
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Mason looked over and said "mommy look at that cute little boy,doesn't he remind you of Franklyn?" I glanced over, and he kinda did, cute big cheeks and great poofy hair.
Then as we sat there and watched the previews I started thinking about how old Franklyn would be now, and how it's funny that when I think of the foster kids, I think of them as the same age they were when we had them, when I do have that great moments of things that remind me of the children we have had in our care, I always think of them as they were here, not how old they are now. Maybe that is weird, but I also think that our heavenly father maybe feels the same way I do.
He knows how many hairs are on our head, he knows every tear that falls, he hears every prayer that we pray to him, but I kinda wonder that when we call on him in prayer, do you think he sees us like we are now?? I kinda think maybe he remembers us at the time when we invited him into our hearts forever. After you invite him into your heart and ask him for forgiveness of your sins, he never remembers those sins again, it's satan that makes us remember those bad choices we made,but when we cry out to him over and over again and say we are sorry for the sins that he has already forgiven us for, I can just hear him whispering right now "what sins?, I don't' know what you are speaking of?
Good to know huh?
So think back to the day that you asked Jesus into your heart, how old were you?, where were you? Who were you with and how different is your life now, from then?
And if you are ready this and don't know the answer to these questions,but you want to know, just keep reading, it's very simple.
To have Jesus in your heart
A admit that you are a sinnner
B believe that Jesus is God's son
C commit that there is only one God
right where you are right now, you can pray this
"Dear Heavenly Father,
I do admit that I am a sinner, I do believe that your son Jesus died on the cross for my sins.
I also commit to live as there is only one God, and that is you. I pray that you come into my heart and that I make you Lord of my life. I want to live for you.
If you prayed that just now, right it down, tell someone!! Your life from here on out will be changed. I did not say it was going to be easy, but to spend eternity in heaven, it's all going to be worth the life here spent on earth and that I can promise you.
I love you
Friday, June 11, 2010
She said, well I saw you needed to raise money for your adoption again, if you do a fund raiser let me know we would love to help out.
So Jamie and I started talking....well what could we do???
We could have another concert, run a 5k??
Jamie said no, lets go door to door selling candy bars like we did in high school, this is how it would sound
" hi, we are the McCain's we are selling candy bars to raise money to adopt a child, would you like to buy one?
then as we walk off, great only 3999 more bars to sell.....lol
(ok maybe it was the face he was making that made me almost pee my pants)
love that God gave me a man with a sense of humor in a time of need :)
Jamie Mason and I have been visiting family in Texas, Louisianan and we went to the Lake of the Ozarks.
So, you would think that I'm refreshed and ready to be back, but before we even left I was hit with the thought of our adoption life is still going.
The night before we left to Texas we got a packet in the mail from a new agency that we were told about, I read it, but found out that they wanted $5000.00 up front and then if you did not adopt from them, well the money was non-refundable...ok that one is OUT!
Then we came home for one day to wash laundry and let Mason go to his baseball game.
There I ran into a family who last year adopted a bi-racial little girl.
The story of how we met is......
Mason and their son were on the same baseball team. I saw this man walk up with this beautiful dark skinned baby girl (that makes my heart skip a beat) she was so sweet. I went straight up to him introduced myself as Mason's mom and said, "can I hold your baby"
He did not even look at me weird, he just said "yes".
We talked for a moment about adoption and how they got this little girl. After baseball season we never saw each other, but.... Mason was playing basketball this past season and I thought I saw them sitting across the way from us, and it was them. Mason and their son were playing against each other that day. She had grown and was getting ready to crawl all over.
Well, the night that we came home for a little cleaning and a baseball game, Mason was playing against their son's team again!!! So of course I went over said hello and we just began to talk. They asked how we were doing with the adoption agency finding and of course I filled them in on our heart breaks but our perseverance to follow through, that God would leads to right were he wanted us. She started talking highly of the agency they went through, she gave me a web site and phone number and I checked it out that night. It sounded great, fast placements and even faster if you were open to bi-racial or african american. So I filled out the online application and we were accepted. They sent us a packet in the mail. I got this packet today, read every word in it. I called and spoke to a man about the agency and felt very comfortable with it.
But, there is more to this whole story and where we are needing prayers.
We were asked today to take on a foster baby full time (this is a sweet foster baby that we love)
She was suppose to be coming really for the summer so her foster mom could recover from foot surgery, but after a teary phone call, her and her husband have felt lead to ask us to take her.
This little one is not up for adoption, she is still in foster care, and so that means her future to us is a big question mark??
This scares Jamie and I," what if she stays for a year, then we have to give her back?"
"What if she stays 6 months and they pick another family to adopt her??"
These are fears of ours, and I know I could rack my brain with these questions, but really if I'm thinking of her only, she needs us now, I will always remember what God has told me..." love them and teach them to bond" we can not say no because of a fear can we??
What if we would have said no to Mason because they told us he had fetal alcohol syndrome,look what we would have missed?
and that's not all folks, we were let in on a lead to a baby who is due in 2 weeks, she's is not sure she wants to parent or not, so that is on the back burner, but does not mean we are not praying about her too.
So can you see where we might be feeling a little on the "WHAT DO YOU WANT US TO DO LORD?"
but so all of you out there know, the answer to our heavenly father is "YES" I'm not sure we even know the question to it is, but "YES".
Specific prayer would be:
For peace about our choices.
Finances (if we go with this other agency we will need at least $4000 more dollars!!)
Mercy for the Lord to be gentle to our soft hearts we have right now,
and guidance, let the doors fly open, and doors to slam shut according to his will.
Thank you, we love you all :)
Friday, May 28, 2010
School is out for summer here in the Valley!! I had to work a little today but as of now, Mason and I are on vacation for 2 weeks!! I have had three people come up to me and say "you must be busy, you have not blogged in awhile" Well.....they are right.
We took in a medical foster baby this week. She goes home to her foster family tomorrow,but we have enjoyed having her here. Every child that comes through my house holds a spot in my heart. I kinda know how God feels, he knows that his children are here on earth and he is just loaning them out to us for a short while, but he can not wait til they come home to him. Her name is Destiny, cute huh? We have had a Journie and now we have Destiny, love that :)
Her foster family is out of town but her foster dad has called twice to check on her, it is so sweet that he misses her so much.
Today Jamie and I learned that a boy that I have cared for before is a foster child, we did not know!! Then came to find out that his foster g-pa I knew. Last year Mason and I were at the playground and ran into this older man with a couple kids, well him and I began to talk and we both bonded because we were both foster parents (he says him and his wife are foster grandparents)
This was a year ago and today I found this out, wow! I called and talked to him and maybe the conversation alone with him was what God wanted me to have. This man is so faithful and lifts these kids to the Lord. He walks side by side with these children teaching them about the Lord and how much God loves them. These are behavioral children, they have been through alot and you would never know, these kids are great and so kind. What a amazing God we serve and what a amazing family who is being obedient.
Life is good here at the McCain household we are getting ready to go visit family soon and just enjoy some family time. When we get back we get to have little Leila for maybe up to 6 weeks, her foster mom is having surgery so pray for her.
We love you all.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Just because I have to share with you what God placed on my heart later today.
Last week I told alot of you to take $5 and go make a difference in someone's life, so did you??
God told me to go to Starbucks and pay for the person's drink behind me, so off I went.
But when I got there no one was behind me, hmmm.
So the next time I went I was like ok maybe today, went through got Tony and I a drink and no one again was behind me, alright Lord. My answer is yes, where is that person at Starbucks?
So.... tonight I went to Starbucks placed my order, only tonight I was on my way to church for a prayer meeting, next to me in my passenger seat was my book I was reading, as my book mark I have a track, so I looked in my rear view mirror, and sure enough here comes a van behind me with just one women in it, this is it.
I pulled up to the window, told the sweet little young girl behind the window that I would like to pay for my drink, but also the drink of the lady behind me. She smiled really big and said "ok"
She took my money and came back to the window, she said "are you a Christian?"
I said "yes I am" She said "did God tell you to pay for this drink?" I said "yes"
She said "that is so cool and so neat that you did" I said "thank you, would you mind giving this lady this track and tell her it's a gift I want her to have?"
She smiled from ear to ear and said "YES"
While she is giving us our drinks she is telling every employee what I did and how cool she thought it was. I told her, it's not me that's cool, but are God who is. She smiled we shared a few more words and I was on my way.
I don't know what happened after that, I'm sure the lady behind me was happy her Starbucks was free, that always makes me happy (thank you to Melissa and Wendy who spoil me)
Anyways, I feel blessed, you know why? After doing what God told me to do, I know that he is singing praises over me. That makes me blessed!
Also, tonight, God reminded me, remember when I told you to love on those foster kids?, remember when I told you to teach them love and how to bond? Well, remember that when you are mad and frustrated at the system, cause "Shelley, I got this too"
Thank you God, thank you for being so close to me that I can hear you. Thank you for your promise and thank you for the reminder of your promises.
I love you all,
the woman's bill $4.90 pretty close to that $5 challenge huh? :)
COUNT TO 10 1,2 ........OMG does anyone get what they are doing to these kids?, that are wasting away in foster care, these kids that are in homeless shelters. It's not that there is not a family out there waiting, or in that matter...fighting to get them in their home.
It is a stupid circus, seriously who makes these rules up???
ahhh that feels better.
Just remember what I always say "I REFUSE to be ordinary"
After all the love and passion we put into these kids, we have the under hand of most of it.
I was told today, that if a foster baby was in our care for 9 months and her mom's rights were terminated that we would get her. I was told that doing all this respite care for her, does not help us out at all if her mom's rights are terminated!! Actually, get this.... it may hurt us. Because if we get picked for the staffing and someone knows that we already have had all this contact, someone might think that we got picked because we already knew her, WELL, YEAH??? DUH
Well that would not be fair to the other families that were chosen for the staffing...umm let me think for a moment, I DON'T CARE if it is fair.
Let's talk about fair, this sweet little baby who's mother drank during her pregnancy, been kicked out of alcohol rehab many times, who has been living in foster care for her whole life, and still has no idea what her future holds, let see.... fair??? I think not.
Ok so Im fired up cause I have been talking to dfs workers all day, lawyers and not really for us, but to help a friend out, but seeing that is not my story I will not post about that due to confidentiality, even though I know she is just as frustrated as I am.
If you know the law well and know something about the division and know how I can speak on the behalf of these children, you let me know.
I was driving down 435 and saw a sign "a child is abused by a loved one every 40 seconds"
at the bottom it read," what will you do about it?"
Show me the genius that put that sign up there and they would get a ear full.
Anyways, Im venting obviously and needed to get that out.
So as you can tell I need some prayer for my anger today, I need to just be in prayer for these children along with dfs to make the right choices.
But I will also look for doors to open to help them too:)
Sunday, May 16, 2010
They said that when Jamie, Mason and I left for FL that it rained the whole time, and since we have been back it has only been sunny 3 days out of these 3 weeks, it's yucky:(
But beyond all that rain, sunshine was around us this weekend.
Mason got baptized by his father today, it was so great. Jamie and Mason were both smiling ear to ear, Jamie's smile was beyond his tearful eyes. We are so blessed and thank God for sending his son to die on the cross, so that my son may live eternity in heaven with him. It's like a weight is lifted when you know your child has asked Jesus into their heart. We are so proud of him today.
He also had his first piano recital at church this afternoon, it was just plain cute.
I asked him before we went to church if he was nervous, he said "no".
Then 5 min before he played he looked at me and said "ok now Im nervous"....lol
We also got to foster Leila this weekend, she is so sweet. She is the baby that dfs called us to take a few moths back and we passed her onto Kay and Mike, thinking that we would be getting our own child soon. Anyways, it was awesome having her here, and I got to dress her up in a cute dress for church and of course not with out a cute flower in her hair around her head band, Jamie says she is alot like him right now, follicle challenged...lol
At the end of lunch I was kissing Leila goodbye and Kay asked if we would keep Leila for 4-6 weeks starting in June? I looked at Jamie and he said "sure"
Kay is going to have foot surgery and will be down for awhile (keep her in your prayers)
so we will get to have her a lot of this summer. I told Jamie the hardest thing for me lately was to walk into the baby room and open the closet and see all those cute girl outfits I had, and no one to put them on. I have this tiny swimsuit that has a puffy pineapple on it.
Well God already knew that Leila would be here and she wears the size of all those cute outfits.
Sammie came and gave her a kiss on the forehead today and said, "can't we just keep her?"
I said, "I hope so"
So pray for Leila, her future with us and the Paulsen's is unsure, but God knows, so we can stand on that promise.
I say all this to let you know, that through the rain and darkness there is happiness. God is in the small stuff too ya know?
The other night when it stormed, Mason called me into his room and said "mommy I'm scared, what if it floods?"
I asked him what Jesus said about the flood? He said "he promised it would never flood again and he sends a rainbow to remind us of that promise"
I promise all you believers out there, I see a rainbow, It is merciful and just, rest on His promise and he will sing praises over you.
Love you all.
Friday, May 14, 2010
Since I'm not on fb for the next month, you will hopefully get to read more of our blog.
This song has been on K-LOVE a lot, we have sang it in church too, it just really is my heart song at this time. I really can get into this song and worship. You can check it out on youtube, but the words are what matter.
God has put more on my heart to share, but not today, today just meditate on these words.
I'm also asking below for some prayer request.
One for my knee (I had my mri yesterday) results on Monday
PRAISE:Mason on Sunday, he is getting baptized, Geraldine said when your daddy ask you if you have asked Jesus into your heart what are you going to say, he said "Im going to yell YES!!!"
Also I have a friend who is getting divorced and I would like for you to pray for her, him and their kids.
Prayer for a friend who is having bone marrow extract on Monday.
I see the king of glory
Coming on the clouds with fire
The whole earth shakes
The whole earth shakes
I see his love and mercy
Washing over all our sin
The people sing
The people sing
Hosanna in the highest [x2]
I see a generation
Rising up to take their place
With selfless faith
With selfless faith
I see a near revival
Stirring as we pray and seek
We're on our knees
We're on our knees
Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like you have loved me
Break my heart from what breaks yours
Everything I am for your kingdoms cause
As I go from nothing to
Hosanna in the highest
Monday, May 10, 2010
Today is make a difference Monday. K-LOVE tells us that today we are to take $5.00.
Pray over the money and do something for someone else with it.
It can be pay for the Starbucks coffee of the person behind you.
Go buy 5 flowers and give them to random people.
Either way, pray over the $5.o0, then go and do what he has asked you.
Second of all, I did not have the best Mother's Day, and I'm not sharing this with you to feel sorry for me, I'm sharing it, because it's what's on my heart and this blog is a front row seat to the life we live and how God is going to work all of it out for good.
I felt down most of the day, I tried to enjoy the day, but I had that yuck gut feeling most of the day. I just did not feel like myself and really it was just another day for me. I knew that watching the baby dedication at church would make me feel sad, knowing that I thought Jamie and I would be up there with our daughter. It made me sad that on Saturday when my family was here they were going to be here for my baby shower.
I'm sharing this because, I'm not perfect and I don't always think "oh yes Lord thank you for this hurt, you are going to work it all out!"
I say this because I hurt too,
really..." you and I are not that diffrent, we got a void and we are just trying to fill it up" (Mandisa's, voice of a savior)
but I also felt heavy on my heart all day to pray for ladies out there, that were felling like I am.
I prayed for my sweet friend who is trying to get pregnant, I prayed for my sister in law who lost a baby in a miscarriage a few years ago,I prayed for a Mary who's son now lives with Jesus, I prayed for women I don't even know who just dealing with the infertility news, or Leslie who is waiting for her little boy to come home from china.
Mother's Day is special and we will take all the pain and heart ache to get to that wonderful feeling of being a mom, no matter how we get those children of ours, they all are on loan from us just for a little while, so love them and hold them, but most of all...tell them about Jesus, the man who has already felt every emotion we have had. So where will you look for comfort?
Food, exercise, money, or "in the arms of Jesus, that's where I found it....how about you??"
Love you all
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Today was a great day for me to go to the gym and read and let God speak.
This is what I read and what he had to say.
I went to the library this last week to get a new book, as you know I finished the Sheila Walsh book in God's perfect timing.
So I got one from Patsy Clairemont called all cracked up, this a book about where is God when we are cracked, she is so cute and funny.
But another book was on that shelf, in the wrong section, that I grabbed (see I said in the wrong section of the library, God put it in the right section for me to see and grab)
It is a book called "Adoption Miracles"
Its short stories about how God's hand was in the process of families adopting, so here is the breakdown of the story I read today.
It was a husband and wife who had 4 miscarriages, they had tried everything to get pregnant and nothing worked.
For a break she joined a fiction book club at church, where she prayed to find someone to connect too, see all her friends were having babies and the subject was just to sensitive to talk about, it was always avoided, except with her husband.
Well of course, there was a lady who sat next to her one day and began a conversation, the conversation went to children and did she have any?, this other lady said yes, I have 4. Two that are here with me and 2 who live in heaven. The girl was shocked, she told her about her story and that she had 4 miscarriages. The other lady went onto tell her that the 2 daughters that she did have were adopted sisters.
She had never thought of adoption, so she went home and her husband and her decided to adopt, her husband always warned her that he had a teacher when he was a kid who was planning on adopting and the birth mom changed her mind, he remembered how devastated his teacher was and she never did adopt.
The wife was sure that this would not happen to them, that God knew that she could not loose another child and he would not let that happen.
So they get picked from a birth mom and find out it's a girl. They start decorating the room, buying clothes and waiting for the birth, the whole time, they know that this birth mom is not going to change her mind.They have sought God and pleaded with him, please...we can not loose another child.They felt confident. Well the day comes of the birth and they head to the hospital. The social worker and lawyer are in the hallway when they get there.
The lawyer will not look them in the eye, he just says "we need to talk"
Sure enough, this birth mom did change her mind, and they were a wreck (kinda know that feeling) They go home and for weeks don't even go into the baby room, they don't even talk about children.
But the phone rings one afternoon and it's a social worker, she said that a baby girl has been born, mom has signed over her rights and did they want her?? Of course they said yes!!
One week has passed and the baby girl was in her arms, when the phone rings again.
She answers it and it's the social worker, she sounds upset, she goes to tell the new mother that the baby that was up for adoption and the birth mom changed her mind, well the baby passed away today. This baby had a rare heart condition.....
God knew, he knew they could not loose another child, he knew that she was not going to be here for long, he knew that this other baby girl was for them.
Friends, He already knows where baby Marley is :)
Saturday, May 1, 2010
We hear a lot of people have been reading this blog, this to me is a good thing.
It's good to know that many people are interested in a front row seat to what Christ is doing in our lives.
Get this, to any of you who watch Grey's Anatomy on Thursday nights, did you see this weeks???
It was about Sloans daughter giving her baby up for adoption, not kidding.
It was a behind the scene of what adoptive families go through, and what the other side goes through too, (that in meaning the biological family side)
The daughter wanted to give the baby up for adoption, the dad (Mc Steamy) did not.
When the baby was born she gave the phone number to her dad to go call the adoptive family, who like us, has decorated a room, got all excited, and just prepared their hearts for a new family member.
Then after the baby was born, Mc Steamy tells her if she wants to keep the baby that he will help her,all this time a adoptive family is waiting.
The baby starts crying and she does not know what to do, she calls in a nurse to help her, the baby was hungry.
Kali then comes to Mc Steamy and says, I don't think she is ready to be a parent, even with your help, and there is a great family that she has picked to be parents to this baby, who already love him too.
I was so afraid the whole show what was going to happen, even during this pre-taped show I was just praying that the ending was good for the adoptive family.
It did, the very end it shows Sloan talking to his grandson telling him that him being adopted is good for him and he knows he will be loved and cared for.
The adoptive parents come in take their new son into their arms and are over come with joy.
I was relieved, I know happy ending do come true and I know that our little girl is out there.
I pray that if you read this and you have biological children of your own, you are blessed.
If you read this and on a journey to adopt, that you'll find comfort that it will end happy, sooner or later.
If you read this and you yourself have given up a child for adoption, that I'm proud of you for making the right choice for your child, and doing a very un-selfish act.
and if you are facing the choice right now what to do, know that you can pray to our heavenly father and he will make the choice clear to you on what is best for you and your baby.
Please know that with love I say, please... until you know what choice you want to make, please don't pick an adoptive family, it's like loosing a child, this is a big decision and with praying about it, and listening to God, he will lead you in the right choice.
We are standing on a promise that God clearly told us, now we wait on the Lord.
God Bless you all :)
Thursday, April 29, 2010
I had a good conversation with a new friend, she shared with me about her and her family trying to adopt a little girl, had her in their home for 2 days and had to give her back to the birth mom.
How she would not wish that on her worst enemy.
I know this happens, but I also know it hurts, rely on our heavenly father to get you through the tough times it's the ONLY thing that has worked for us.
On the adoption end, sorry got nothing.
Pray for me, my heart is a little harden this afternoon.
A new song to hear is by 33 miles called hold on, love it!! Goes with my last post.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Where do I begin, how do I fit all I have learned in a blog, I need a editor to put this into a book.
So I'll start with last Friday. We got the call that for sure Ariel was going to take the baby back, so I called Kay and asked if I could come say goodbye, she said "of course", after I hung up the phone Mason's school called they said he was in the nurses office crying, something about hitting his head (which he never did) I told the nurse that even though we had not sat down with him and told him that he would not be getting that little sister just yet, he still knew that we had been distant with him and he had seen mommy and daddy upset. I went and picked him up from school and together we went to see the baby. Jamie called and was heading to the gym, by now he had shut down, he did not want to say goodbye, to hard for him. I told him that we needed to get out of town, I checked airfares and found nothing. I looked at going to the Omaha zoo or to st.Louis for a long weekend, forecast to both....rain :( We would talk about it later when we both were home.
Mason and I got to Kay's and I got to snuggle on the baby for 2 hours, tell her that we loved her and that God would look after her. A lighthouse worker showed up and her eyes began to fill with tears, I told her she had to stop or mine would start flowing again, see we all know what life would be better for this little girl, but God has given us free will, so there fore we don't always make the best choices for ourselves. All we can do is pray.
We said our goodbyes and Mason and I started home. We had many phone calls and many I ignored (sorry) it is just to hard to re say over and over, I know that because of those calls you were just calling to say sorry and that really makes us feel loved, but on that day, really I wanted to crawl under a rock. My next two weeks were planned, sitting at home with my new daughter and having 2 baby showers to look forward too, clothes to be picked up at the cleaners for court the next day, everything was just like a train running over my heart. I pleaded with God, why would you cause us so much pain?? This hurts to much to bare, God had taken me to the edge that day and I did not know at the time weather to jump off the edge or fall back into his arms to catch me, see at the time, I wanted to jump.
As I was driving home my cell rang. It was a great friend on the other end, all she said was "how are you?" I said well it's been tough, just trying to put one foot in front of the other. she said ok, I told her that Jamie,Mason and I were going to meet at home pack a bag and get out of town, I also shared with her how it was rain everywhere we wanted to go, so we had not made a destination yet. She asked if she could call me back, and she did. On the line was her, me and her travel agent. She told the agent that she needed to get a trip booked for 3 to any place sunny.
The lady replied with "sounds great, when are we leaving?" umm today....lol
She probably thought we were nuts, but she did it, she put us on hold and began to work her magic (which was God working his) she came back and said "how about Florida?, Tampa area.
My friend said " well Shelley??" I said, looks like we are going to Florida. I ran into Mason's room and said "pack a swim suit we are going to the beach."
My friend then said I need a hotel too, right on the ocean, the travel agent had to pull some strings to get this one, it was the end of spring break in FL and most were booked,but she got us one, the Hilton. My friend then said charge this to my account and said Shelley I love you and will be praying for you, now go pack.
So we did, when I told Jamie we were leaving, he walked around in a zone for about 10 minutes with, ok, what do I do?. I had to coach him, shoes, sunscreen, underwear....
So we called my folks and they took us to the airport. We landed in FL about midnight on Friday, we went and rented a car and was on our way.
But, I saw a cute little African American girl, maybe 2. She was standing there with her mom and I immediately thought of what I thought was our little girl. I began to pray for her.
We made it to the hotel and crashed for the night.
That next morning I went out on our deck, which was on the ocean side, got my book by Sheila Walsh, told God he had to speak to me today and tell me, why us???
The next chapter in my book was "when we trust in what we cannot see" , I looked up said thank you and began to read.
I felt him there, saying "Im using you and I have pushed you to the edge, but I have offered a path for you to take, it won't be the easy one, but it's the one I know you'll choose, good and faithful servant.
I will take the hard road for you Lord I said, because you took the hard one for me.
When Mason and Jamie were awake we sun screened up grab some breakfast and hit the beach.
To get to the beach, we had to take a elevator down 3 flights and walk 100 feet, it was tough :)
We rented 2 chairs and Mason a boogie board,which I tried myself and found myself having child like fun with it.
I went with Mason while Jamie sat back and watched, we played in the sand,swam in the ocean, found seashells and buried each other in the sand. Jamie then offered to go play with Mason and I went back to my book. Next chapter "When we are changed by the faithfulness of others"
Sheila Walsh herself is a women to has changed others lives by telling her story, she suffers with depression and talks about it openly with women, telling them that it's ok to have to take her little blue pill everyday, God does not mind. but I also felt God telling me, that the crowd that Jamie and I have around us are watching, on lookers seeing what we may do in this situation we are in,
well here we are, still knowing that God's plan is better for us than we know.
The next chapter "when God seems so far away", yes I felt this on Thursday and Friday, I already shared with you how I was pleading with God where was he and why is he doing this to us?, I did not think I could handle this much.
See it makes me think of the day that Jesus took Journie from my arms to his. I thought that was a hard day,but for some reason I was so comforted by him that day, his presence was so close, and I knew that Journie was going to a home where she would be safe in his arms forever. I could not let go of the fact that, this baby was not going somewhere better, she would not have the life we could have gave her, I still do not know the answers to these questions and I may never know them.
I could not put my book down, I needed another word from him to live on the rest of the day, chapter 13, "when we share the heart of the Shepard " yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil" well folks good news to that verse. To have a shadow you must have light around it, so I'm living on the light around it, I have to focus here to stay and live, til I have another moment to come read again.
We enjoyed our time at the beach,went back to the room and shared between Jamie and I who had the worst burn :) Mason of course, was just black and I was jealous :)
We went and had a great dinner outside the beach at a place called Frenchy's rock away grill, Mason ate his weight in peel n' eat shrimp, I had a grouper sandwich and Jamie a blacken chicken sandwich, it was great. We stopped on the walk back to the hotel and bought a huge cookie and sat outside and ate it, Mason ate more than half, only because I was not fast enough to get to it. We walked and just enjoyed one another.
Over the few days, I would sit at the pool watch the children play, thank God for sunglasses, for at moments I would cry because I was thankful for the friend I have who sent us here to heal, at times I cried knowing that I really could fall back and he will catch me, at times I cried becasue I would wonder how different my life would be if I was at home with my daughter and not here in Fl., Lots of stuff to work out and go through, but he worked it all out for his good, it always does.
So, we continued to have a great time in FL, we went and saw a aquarium where they rescued hurt sea animals, one dolphin named winter was amazing, she was 3 months old and her tail got tangled in a fisherman's net, this facility took her in and watched after her, her tail was so damaged by the net that it began to fall off, she learned to swim like a fish in a back and forth motion not up and down like a traditional dolphin would swim. I got into a conversation with a man that worked there, who knew I must have been inspired by her story, not many folks were around and he let me go behind the ropes and look at her, her trainer was with her and she was working on strengthening her spine, a man who owned a prosthetic company made Winter a fake tail, it was made with fiber glass and silicon, this piece slipped onto her tail and she could then swim in a dolphin like swim, they say she wears it a couple hours a day to keep her spine strong, other wise she just swims like a fish, even him talking to me I was a little teary, he said you know, just like any of us, when we are faced with a challenge in life, we can give up or we can become stronger. WOW, did he know I needed to hear that, thank you Lord for using a dolphin to get through this day. We had many things that God showed us and if I was not searching for him, I may have just missed them,
See friends..... it's what I don't want to miss that keeps us going, I don't want to miss God's blessing and therefore I don't want anything that's not God's will for us. I know that his timing is still perfect and I do not know that timing, it's not easy either, I have a closet full of little girl clothes that I'm dying to put on my little girl, so will I be patient? Yes, will I stop asking? NO!!
So on the plane ride home yesterday I finished my book, the last chapter " The adventure continues" is God not GOOD or what???
This adventure for us continues and thanking God for the water the sun and the sand, for this is the song I sing...
"My hope is built on nothing less,
than Jesus' blood and righteousness,
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
but wholly lean in Jesus' name,
on Christ , the solid rock, I stand
all other ground is sinking sand, all other ground is sinking sand.
Love you, keep praying for us :)
Monday, April 26, 2010
It's called Extraordinary Faith.
God was good to us this last 4 days, I will share in detail tomorrow when I have more time to write, it may be a novel, but it will be worth it, I promise.
God has a plan.
Friday, April 23, 2010
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Just the three of us went to Culver's for a bite to eat, we were sitting there watching Mason chow down on his ice cream. We were bragging on him how well he did while his little sister did a little doodle on him while he was holding her. He was great with her tonight, and he was so proud of himself for holding her, she kept trying to follow his voice to look at him, but she just could not focus on him.
So, Jamie told him he was doing such a great job that next week daddy was going to take mommy out on the town and Mason could stay home with her, he gave us those crazy eyebrows and said
" dad, you can't leave a 6 year old home alone with a baby" lol
He cracks us up!!
Have a great night.
Sunday, April 18, 2010
2 Corinthians 4:18 (New International Version)
18So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
We have not met her yet, but this afternoon.
I can not stand it, so Im showering and going to go get the birth mom a gift and some flowers.
The baby weighs 7lbs 9ounces and came at 3am this morning, she is 20 inches long.
Her birthday is 4/18
By no mistake Matthew 4:18 says...as Jesus was walking besides the sea of Galiee he saw two brothers, Peter and Andrew. They were casting a net into the lake,for they were fishermen. 19 "come follow me, Jesus said and I will make you fisher of men"
Praise you Jesus, praising you out loud!
Saturday, April 17, 2010
this note comes from your great Aunt Donna, can't wait to see you baby girl, come on let's go!!
You are very excitedly invited to attend your very “second” Birthday Party (I think your cousin Kylie’s may be your “first”)!!! You will hugged and snuggled by many relatives during your first long road trip to Texas and Louisiana; it will be a form of christening you as a part of our family (ask your big brother Mason about the love we have to share). We have a nice crib and play room here that your cousin Emma is more than willing to share with you, anytime you want to visit. We have toys, books, a playpen, a walker, and many other fun things too. Your Mommy is right, it is not a perfect world; although, we will all do our best to make you feel like it is! We are looking forward to seeing your precious face and baby feet (kiss, kiss, kiss) so please do come out to play J. Warm, soft cuddles are waiting for you. Love, Aunt Donna