Well today did not go as we were praying for.
Peanuts mom was able to get the judge to let her have 60 more days to "get clean"
DFS was shocked that the judge granted it for her, and so were we. The judge even asked for her to take a drug test as she left because she did not act "clean" at the hearing.
All I can possibly think of is that the court told her that she had one year to get clean. To take her rights away from her today, she could appeal and say it has not been a year, maybe the judge knows she won't get clean and so what is 60 more days?
On the other hand, we walked away upset and so confused, we were sure that all was going our way and with dfs asking for her rights to be terminated that for sure the judge would grant that, even mom's lawyer asked if she could be released from this case today because mom has done nothing to get her kids back, she was also denied from the judge.
We could all sit and scratch our heads over this one and I have had a pretty rough day asking God what his plan really is. I have so many times thought I was heading in his direction and doing what he wanted me too only to be shocked by the outcome, I still am looking for the victory he promised us over 2 years ago. I like to think of myself as a patient person who has stood tall and leaned on him in good times and in bad, but today I find myself with no strength.
I have said earlier I know that our prayers don't bounce off the ceiling, but today I almost physically wanted to touch that bumpy stuff on the ceiling to see if it was made of rubber.
I have always said I refuse to be ordinary that's why I share with you my true feelings and what I feel now. I can sit here and tell you all the "right stuff" to say, we are waiting on the Lord, his timing is perfect, everything happens for a reason, but really right now, I am not strong!!
I am very weak at this very moment as I write this. Tonight we were practicing "first Christmas" and I really can tell you that I did not feel the spirit tonight. I felt very alone,very secluded,very invisible. I sang the words and I hit the right notes, but really I was just not feelin' it if you know what I mean.
We all gathered around the room to pray and I knew Lee was praying for the people who were going to fill those seats who needed to be touched by the spirit. But as I could not control the tears as they ran down my cheeks, I felt my husbands hand grasp my tighter, for he knew that I was crying and him being the only person who knew why, well him and God.
I'm not saying that I don't believe he has a plan. I'm being real and telling you that today, well it sucked and I'm reaching out to you to pray for strength for us, I ask that you pray that God will show himself in a mighty way to remind us that he hears our cry. To be reassured from him soon is just what we need. So would you come along side of us and pray please?, I know by writing this it is healing for me, this is what I do. I refuse to pretend that being a Christian is easy it's sometimes really hard, but I know the victory will be so sweet when it gets here and you will be there with us when we get there, but for now I need "strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord"
Let me finish with telling you what I can smile about, when we left that court room this afternoon that sweet little Peanut, well she came home with us and therefore I get another day with her for now :)
Thank you friends for walking this with us.